Gardening is dangerous business

So I haven’t had lip augmentation yet. I don’t need it even at the ripe old age of sixty-twelve when most women’s lips just up and disappear.

Mine are nice and full today, thanks to a gardening accident which bloodied my mouth and almost knocked out my front teeth. I issue this warning to all you tomato growers who are probably giving up on your tomatoes about now and ripping them out of the ground, cage and all, while dreaming of a nice patch of Swiss Chardonnay or cabbages.

One cage was really really glued in the ground and as I planted both feet on the ground, I gave it a huge tug with all my might. The thing popped out with such force it felt like That time I got decked in a bar fight. (Not really}?

So, y’all all be careful out there. What with Round-up, snakes, rabid mosquitoes, and who knows what else out there trying to spoil our fun, we must plant at our own risk.

Got my ‘Harvest Tree’ put up…finally

I began the tradition about 20 years ago of putting up a fall Harvest Tree around September 5 and it stays up till Thanksgiving night when it gets a wardrobe change to its Christmas finery.

I’m late this year because I’ve been waiting for pumpkins to arrive at local supermarkets, which is my cue to get out the fall decorations. Pumpkins, where are you?? Show yourselves and help us pretend this sweltering weather will soon be outa here!

Invariably some neighbor will stop by to ask if that’s my Christmas tree and why I’m jumping the gun. Can’t they see the little orange candy corn lights and miniature pumpkins and figure it out? Apparently not. But you should try this. It changes the atmosphere of your home as the beautiful fall glow floods through your living space.

Hopelessly lost in love

This piece could also be titled “What to do when Hurricane Barry drives you inside.”

I am head-over-heels, and hopelessly and completely besotted with actor Martin Clumes…I even dreamed about him last night. (I was taking him to a Mississippi State football game and he brought along a solid gold cowbell!)

The object of my undying love is currently starring in “”William and Mary”, an 18-episode drama now showing on Amazon Prime. I assure you, he is in no way like the ill-adjusted and socially-impaired Doc Martin. I have purposely avoided watching him in other roles because the hapless doctor was so disturbing to me Continue reading

So long Fred’s – what will we do without you?

 

The shelves are almost empty and I would wager that Starkville’s Fred’s Discount Store will be gone by sunset. It’s closure follows on the coat-tails of other Fred’s stores in Mississippi and system-wide.

I’m sad beyond words and wondering where I’ll go in the future when a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup craving hits me without warning. Or it’s raining and I’m out of coffee. Or I need some potting soil on a Saturday morning and don’t want to stand in line at Walmart. Continue reading

2018 Calendar is about to get weird

If you think the world has gone haywire, consider that we are about to experience a significant cultural collision like none I’ve seen in my life time.. First, Ash Wednesday is on Valentine’s Day this year. Talk about an odd couple. 

One holiday is the somber, reverent start of Lent. The other tends to be one of America’s silliest exercises in the marketing of sentiment and manufactured guilt.

But even more astonishing – April 1, Easter Sunday arrives on April Fools’ Day. Christians and atheists, start your engines.

For the first time in decades, maybe centuries, the two holidays collide and present a dilemma for me. 

Think about it. Valentine’s Day is notorious for promoting the consumption of sweet cavity-producing treats packaged in cheap heart-shaped cardboard boxes.   Ash Wednesday, the day after Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday), is the day I typically swear off sugar for six weeks!  What’s a girl to do?

I guess this year I’ll give up leaving towels on the floor.  .

Easter and April Fools’ Day cohabiting on the same day raises other more serious questions. Can anything frivolous be expressed about Easter that is not in extremely poor taste? Can one celebrate the sacred underpinnings of Christianity and engage in broad April Fools’ Day humor on the same day?

Non-believers are certain to greet the holiday with undisguised glee.  I, for one, dread the disgusting mirth sure to be perpetrated.

I’m just warning you, and I hope someone can come up with a way to reconcile the four holidays