A lesson in how NOT to clean the oven

My oven glowed romantically in the 900 degree plus temperature.

oven fire

It seemed like a good idea at the time – which is usually the case when I don’t adequately think through a spur of the moment notion.

On a particularly steamy Saturday afternoon, I opted to stay inside and clean my oven. Now granted, that involves nothing more than punching the proper button and listening for the door to lock. Within minutes I know the incinerator will begin to work its magic.

I had recently roasted a pork tenderloin on my cookie sheet and it was coated with a glob of gunk in the shape of the Incredible Hulk.

Why not, I thought to myself. I’ll pop it in the oven and clean it up for free while the appliance is cleaning itself. I pressed “clean” and sauntered up front to become a couch potato. (I LOVE cleaning my oven.)

Within five or ten minutes, I began to smell the most delightful aroma emanating from the kitchen. Wonder what’s cooking, I asked myself before remembering the greasy pan.

Unconcerned, but curious, I returned to the kitchen to find that a brand new fire place had been installed in the spot where my oven had been. A roaring fire had spontaneously combusted in my oven. I grabbed my new fire extinguisher, but alas, the oven door was locked and it wasn’t going to budge. I was panicked, and began pressing every button on the dial until I found the one that interrupted the cleaning process.

Slowly the flame began to subside ever so slightly. Fascinated, I watched until it faded to an ember-like glow and the lock on the door finally released.

Tragedy averted once again. I removed the cookie sheet and dropped it in the trash can. It was black and covered with soot. I wonder why I thought it would be silver and shiny again. I never did restart the cleaning process. But the whole episode had given me a brilliant idea. I’ll hire someone to build an oven that can do double duty as a fireplace. It would look similar to my glassed in gas log fireplace when in the fire mode and coils would still handle the cooking chores.

If anyone wants to invest, give me a call. I think we can make a fortune. We’ll call it the “Hotshot.” In the meantime I’m off to purchase new batteries for my smoke detectors. Not a one was activated by the fire. I expect the batteries haven’t been replaced since I renovated the home in 1998.

One thought on “A lesson in how NOT to clean the oven

  1. I’m surprised you thought to take a picture. You’re lucky the whole oven didn’t explode!

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