A new game in town – ‘Red Neck Girls’

ruthann and suebeth

“Sue” Beth and Ruth Ann play a new travel game called ‘Redneck Girls.’

My girl friends and I have found a new way to amuse ourselves and the general public at the same time.

We discovered this innocent past-time several months ago while on a trip to visit a high school chum in Austin, Texas. Here we were, an odd-wad collection of baby booming buddies, trying to hang onto our youth – and just young enough to remember how we once did it.

businessmen

We found ourselves stuffed into a airplane with hundreds of high powered cosmopolitan “suits,” all working feverishly on their laptops and blackberries. You could tell they were under a lot of pressure, and we thought they might like a little levity to take the edge off their stress.

We decided to play “Redneck Women.” Here’s how it’s done, in case you want to try it. It helps if you happen to have at least one-quarter redneck blood pumping through your veins. I’m proud to say I have more than that.

Now this game may not be politically correct and for sure it will offend our high school English teacher, but we’ll give equal time to another segment of society on our next trip.

Besides, our generational gender gets maligned more than the Salem witches.

I got to go first since I agreed to take the window seat. The plane was airborne and the captain had just welcomed us aboard. He announced the cabin service would begin shortly. My move.

“Wassat, Norma Jean?,” I asked my girl friend in the most nasal tone I could muster up. “I thought you said we was gonna see a picture show? They ain’t said nothin’ bout no picture show.”

“Naw, Emma Jane,” squawked Norma Jean in a voice that could be heard clear up in the cockpit. “Don’t you know nothin’? They’s gonna give us some free food, I thank.”

“Lookit this here!,” I said as I released the tray into my lap. “Lordy mercy. What’ll they thank of next. A table come clean out of that chair – you need to get Bubba to build you one of these on the Barcalounger.”

I leaned over Norma Jean to punch Ruth Ann who was sitting on the aisle pretending (wishing) she had no idea who we were.

“Ruth Ann Stafford, put down that barf bag. It don’t mean you can take home leftovers. That’s sos you can blow into when we starts goin down. Keeps yore ears from poppin.”

This is where the fun begins. The gentleman in front of us raised up like he was checking the exits, but we knew he just wanted to check out the source of this oddball conversation. Score one point for me. I’m in the lead.

It was Norma’s turn. She was ready.

“Shut up Emma Jane, and stop leaning over,” she warned. You could tip this plane rat on its side. I told Bubba and Mama, if we was to crash, my silver plated gravy boat can’t never be used by another woman.”

The two men in front of us began to whisper. Darn. Norma automatically gets two points. Getting two people to talk about you is twice as good as getting someone to peer over the seat.

Ruthie was getting into the swing of the game. Her turn.

“Did ya’ll see Sue Beth? She got put way back yonder,” she noted, standing and pointing to Beth who was several rows back.

“Hey Sue Beth! They ain’t got no picture show, and don’t look like they’s gonna give us no food. Brang up those chicken livers, honey.”21 KFC

The perfectly coifed lady sitting across the aisle from Ruthie couldn’t contain herself any longer.

“May I ask where you ladies are from”,” she ventured, covering her nose with her hand as if she might breathe in some unsavory germs.

“We’re with the CIA,” whispered Ruthie. “Do you have clearance to sit by us?”

Score three for Ruthie. Game, set, match.

9 thoughts on “A new game in town – ‘Red Neck Girls’

  1. Laughed out loud when I read, everyone must have thought I was crazy.
    Bubba went for coffee this morning and called to say all the guys commented he had better keep an eye on all of us… It’s nothing like having fun with your best buds.

  2. We do have a good time — don’t we! Never a dull moment with our group and I hope we continue to enjoy “the rest of our lives”. Thanks for being our journalist and showing our fun sides —

  3. You have brought shame and indignity, ma’am, on all of us Proud Southern Gentlemen and Gentlewomen! The South will nevah rise, I say, NEVAH RISE, again, if you ladies continue this most impropah behavyah!

    Glad to see y’all are still having fun.

    Dan(ny) Wooldridge

  4. Suh, Mr. Dan (ny) Ah say rat here and now as God is ma witness. We just need a real man to keep us on the straight and narrow path to Glory. You had yore chance and failed if I rightly recall….Our behavyah is mostly yore doins.
    Miss Emily

  5. Emily – what a hoot and a hollar!! Love it. I can just see all of you…. Shame on you for having so much fun!! Hope to be there next time…. Keep up the good work!!

    Love you, Ann

  6. Well hello Ruthann Stafford – can’t believe there’s another. Thought God threw away the mold with my Ruthann – from West Point, Mississippi. Glad to know there’s another. The world is a better place!

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