As I sit here stenciling fleur de lis on styrafoam cups for my Super Bowl Party, I am dumb-struck by my pointless, yet never-ending quest to outdo Martha Stewart.
Here are a few of her tips for which I have found a better way.
Martha: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
OR Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
OR buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year. I haven’t seen a bud yet!
Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
OR Go to the bakery! They’ll even decorate it for you!
Martha: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a
peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.
OR if you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’
Celery? Is that those green stringy things that have been in the vegetable drawer since Thanksgiving? Martha, I didn’t wrap it and it’s still there, sort of.
Martha: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a
beautiful glossy finish.
OR Mrs. Smith’s frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.
Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
OR take a lime, mix it with tequila. No more pain.