Biting my tongue

By Guest Writer Sherry White Jeffcoat

BABEE I have found that the art of biting one’s tongue gets easier with age. My tongue even has strange little scars on it from biting it so much.

It also becomes more necessary with age because for some really weird reason I am much more prone to blurt out what I am thinking, which trust me usually isn’t a good thing.

I used to could hold back a thought like “OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE AGED” or “Your daughter is SO cute!” to an

aging male ex classmate only to find out it is his wife.

And what is the deal about these, excuse me, “old men” that put their ages at 40 on dating sites when they are 60, say they have a six-pack stomach when they really have a 12 pack, and that they are 6 feet tall when they are five two?

Do they think that you will never meet them in person? If so, why join a dating site? Do they just want to E mail you forever?

I love it when they say let’s meet in a few months. What they are actually are saying is oh God let me renew that gym membership and set up a cot there. I mean you can lie about some things and get away with it, like you have a Jaguar and it is just in the shop, but why lie about your height and age? I

mean you can’t say you shrunk in the shower or your hair turned gray overnight. And do me a favor guys on these dating sites, DON’T tell me I am beautiful “for my age”, that you can’t believe these teeth are still mine, or that you just want me to be “healthy” as an excuse to tell me I need to lose a few pounds.

Thank you very much I AM healthy and just because I carry that roll around my middle, I might need that stored fat if a nuclear bomb hits or I am in the cellar for a few days from a hurricane or a tornado. You just never know when having a spare tire could save your life.

When we are in the gym, DON’T tell me that the leg stretching machines will make me more limber when most men can’t sit Indian style on the floor or touch their toes without toppling over.

And what is the deal putting on your age preference for a woman 25 to 60 and you are 75? Are you hoping some 25 year old will want a sugar daddy and might see past the wrinkled rear end? Then if you get no hits from the 25 year olds, you can always hope that a spring chicken of 60 might pick up the slack.

You know, staying single sounds better to me all the time.

(Editor’s Note: Sherry has written columns for the West Point Daily Times Leader and I knew right away she qualifies as a Deluded Diva.)

2 thoughts on “Biting my tongue

  1. Hi Sherry,
    I’m still married, but if I weren’t your article would definitely steer me to the bars for my social contacts. LOL. Tell your family hello! Luv, Ottie

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