Christmas gift-giving bloopers

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I have always prided myself on being a thoughtful gift giver.  I begin my Christmas shopping when the first leaf falls in September, and I spend months shopping diligently for that perfect gift for my friends and family.
So what happened this year?  I guess my creative juices were too diluted by sugar overload.  Nothing really caught my eye, and everything was either made in China or way too expensive.
So I ended up giving stupid gifts – which in one case, was given back to me!  At a local gift shop, I spied an item I thought was a scream. It was the replica of an old Ball jelly jar, affixed atop a crystal candle stick. They were selling like hotcakes as “redneck wine glasses.”
How perfect, I thought, for my friend, Judy, who has a great sense of humor.  After all, she gave me a bottle of wine last year which was sold under the label, “Obligatory Hostess Gift.”
Well, as luck would have it, our mutual friend, Marie, had made the same discovery.  So, over our girl’s Christmas lunch, we both gave her redneck wine glasses. We tried to pretend we were working on a set.
Judy wasn’t all that amused so I gave her one of my emergency Christmas presents which I always buy in case someone drops by with a gift I hadn’t anticipated.  She ended up giving Marie’s glass to her son for Christmas and the other back to me!
I don’t want you to think she was ungrateful – she really appreciated the thought.  We just gave her something worth “re-gifting”, and  she was tickled to death with her set of “emergency” Tuscany Lemon Soaps. I was equally happy to get back the redneck wine glass.
But all this got me thinking.  Why hadn’t I thought of a redneck wine glass?  I have old unused Ball jars and crystal candle holders for days.  Maybe I can come up with some clever redneck gift item to market  in 2012.
Apparently the gift shops made a fortune on the wine glasses which were sold for about $15 a stem. Would folks buy an old Sears catalog attractively labeled as “Redneck Toilet Tissue?”
We have beef, chicken and vegetable broth.  Why not come up with squirrel or ‘possum broth?
Maybe I could develop a canned version of “Smoked Road Kill.” Or how about a jar of lard labeled “Redneck Wrinkle Cream?”  Anybody know where you can buy lard?
I was also thinking how handy it would be to have dust mop slippers to wear around the house – once around the house and shake your legs out the back door.  I’m going to put together a team of my redneck friends to do some research on what will sell.
The good thing about it is,  the loveable rednecks in my life are easy to please. I guess it takes one to know one.

5 thoughts on “Christmas gift-giving bloopers

  1. I read in USA Today that the redneck wine glasses were one of the top sellers for Christmas this year.

  2. I do believe it, I got 2 of them (are my friends trying to tell me something) I just moved to Picayune, Ms so I guess I’m part red neck and part coonass does that make me a redass or a redneck coon? lol Love your story

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