Conspicuous consumption no longer cool

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I read somewhere that showing off your latest tech toys, wearing tons of jewelry  and keeping a new ride in your driveway has become gauche.

Hip hip hooray! In this troubled economy, I never know when I might lose my job.  In case you’re wondering, my current job is piddling and puttering, but I may have to give it up and return to the work force.  I’m doing everything possible to avoid that.

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The news that being a conspicuous consumer is no longer cool, made me jump for joy.  In fact, I may be the coolest girl on the block.  My truck is going on 11 years old and I’ve begun coloring my own hair.  I even tried cutting it myself  and ended up looking like a green haired Buster Brown.  (No one ever told me that you should never color gray hair with any shade that smacks of ash.  I used a color called “light ash brown” and glowed a pale green for six weeks.)

I’ve begun reusing things I once threw away. That includes aluminum foil and the cotton swabs from vitamin pill bottles.  Someone suggested I learn how to darn socks but I told them I know how – every time I wash my underwear, I scream “Where are my darn socks!” I also know how to damn socks. I can give lessons.

My heat hasn’t been turned on yet despite a few dips into the 30s. My drafty old house has 12 foot ceilings and in the best of times, when the heat runs non-stop, the only warm place is on top of a very tall ladder.  What’s the point? For the first time since menopause set it, I’m cool as a cucumber and I like it.

With gas prices through the roof, I’ve begun coasting while driving down hills.  I figure it saves on gasoline and it messes with the minds of other drivers.

For Thanksgiving I’m considering serving a big plump roast of Spam, with a side of Macaroni and Cheese.  No wait, hold the cheese. Dessert will be a NEW peppermint – not one from the bottom of my purse coated with unknown particles.  What IS that stuff that peppermints attract?

Shopping with a handful of coupons is way too challenging.  By the time I get around to using them, they’ve either expired or they’re stuck to the peppermints in the bottom of my purse.

One thing for sure. Keeping up with the Joneses – at least the  lady who lives in my house, is no big deal. I’m not even a REAL Jones anyhow. Just married one.

2 thoughts on “Conspicuous consumption no longer cool

  1. I’m suppose to be getting some wedding orders ready, but I’m sitting here laughing out loud in my empty room and thinking how “cute” you are!!!! I see myself over and over in your stories!!!! Makes me feel better!! Thanks!

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