From food editor to porn star-Don’t I wish

porn star

I dropped by the Daily News this week to catch up with my former colleagues. I guess it was a slow news day because the reporters were joking around and doing a little bragging – which they hardly ever do. Honest.

They were bragging about how many web sites they were mentioned on for their numerous literary achievements. I couldn’t join in because I couldn’t think of a one on which my name might appear except perhaps one that records marriages and divorces. (I would qualify for both.) I’ve been traveling pretty far under the radar since I escaped from Parchman. (Only kidding. Just checking to see if you were paying attention.)

“What? You’ve never “googled” yourself?” asked the youngest reporter… who’s been on the planet less than half the time I have and she’s already mentioned in four web sites. I really need to get busy.

To help me out, she immediately googled the name Emily Jones and began to read my biographical sketch as the rest of the newsroom looked at me with something between pity and horror.

The first site that mentioned an Emily Jones announced to the world that I – er, “she” was born to unwed, alcoholic parents on a broken down Greyhound bus somewhere in the Midwest!!! It got progressively worse.

“She has traveled extensively, after being adopted by gypsies at the age of three, who helped her develop her talents for pick-pocketing and confidence tricks, leading to many mis-spent riches in her young life,” it continued. “After receiving modest praise and recognition for her brief career as a porn star, she settled down in a small beach cottage with her two dogs, Merry and Pippin, from where she runs a small, out-of-state prostitution ring via the Internet.”

”Well, see?! That’s couldn’t be me,” I told them on the verge of tears. Everyone knows my dogs are named Rebel and Lucky. I’m filing papers immediately to change my name.

The second site that mentioned Emily Jones indicated I was a recording “groovestress with a sultry, ethereal voice like smooth velvety chocolate.” Well, now, that’s more like it! My big hit was titled “Headline Funk.” Could have been me. I told them that was a long time ago when I lived in New Orleans and worked for an underground news rag.

You might want to “google” yourself and see what kind of propaganda is being spread via with net.

One thought on “From food editor to porn star-Don’t I wish

  1. Well, I’m certainly glad we got THAT straightened out. I was worried there for a minute!

    nance

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