Why this hasn’t been my best month

bad-monyhs

Mama said there would be days like this but she never left a clue there would be entire months to test the soul. My all time worst nightmares occurred this month.

wigggy

  1. Picture it. I’m moving cases of my books into a big hall to sell at the holiday market sponsored by the Methodist church on Friday. It’s well attended and I needed to get rid of eight cases of books remaining so can stuff something other than books under my bed. I’ve stowed them in the guest room shower, the freezer, and my rarely used oven.  But with the holidays approaching its time to fire up the oven and, sadly, baked books aren’t edible.

As I scurried around decorating my booth, Kathryn Laughton, the chairman, came over to chat. As I was backing up to tweak the display I tripped over a full case of books someone had just deposited behind me.  Of course I fell over backwards and hit the floor so hard my wig popped off and shot across the room.

I should explain that I had to start chemo again three weeks ago and I have only a few Denis the Menace-like twigs left on top of my head and they stick straight up.  All the other vendors just starred in horror.  The looks on their faces will stay with me forever.

It was so funny I began to laugh, nervously at first then hysterically and everyone else joined in, relieved I wasn’t in tears I guess.  Kathryn tried to help me up but I did it by myself – I didn’t want her falling and maybe losing her wig. (Just kidding, she has real hair).  I pulled my rug back on and went about my business.  What else could I do? Thank goodness I had just vacuumed my head – a brilliant idea if I do do say so.

Here’s a great tip for anyone experiencing hair loss due to chemotherapy which means it typically begins to molt 15 days after beginning the series.  If you don’t shave it, which I refuse to do, it will be all over the house. So I took the attachment off my vacuum and let the suction extract the wayward hairs in a jiffy.  Voila, no hair all over the house or clogging the drain.  I must send this to Heloise Hints.

2.Another day I was snugly tucked in Big Red (my favorite chair) and cued up a Netflix movie.  Suddenly  I began to hear this chirping noise.  I went to investigate thinking a chimney sweep must have flown down the flu.  Rebel and Lucky started barking and I couldn’t hear myself think.

chirp

I discovered the chirp was coming from one of my smoke detectors. I believe that is a clue that battery is dead.  After listening to that infernal chirp for two hours, I grabbed a broom and beat it until half the contraption fell off the wall.  My well meaning contractor had installed the detector at he very top of the 12-foot ceilings and it would take a seven foot basketball player with a extension ladder to reach it.  The broom worked.   No more chirping.  But also no more smoke detectors which probably doesn’t matter all that much since I don’t cook any more.

squirt

3. Lastly and most dangerously of all, I cleaned my entire kitchen with Round-Up.  I had put some of the deadly poison in a squirt bottle and somehow it ended up under the sink with my homemade window cleaner. Since my eyesight sent south and my glasses were somewhere up north, I couldn’t read the homemade label until I found my specs and glanced at the fuzzy lettering. I ‘BOUT DIED and may yet if I ingested any of the stuff.  !

 Round up and food preparation don’t mix so I had to go buy an industrial cleaner and clean the kitchen all over again.  My Thanksgiving guests are probably trying to come up with excuses for missing my wingding.
Completely stressed, I sat down and tried to meditate myself into a better frame of mind. I spent the entire five minutes wondering if Lee Harvey Oswald really acted alone.  The good news is I filled out a free Tarot reading on line and was told December will be my best month ever.  Yippee!   But we still have 1O days left in the month and I’m layin’ low!

12 thoughts on “Why this hasn’t been my best month

  1. Yep, there are those times when you just must say, “We are all going to find us a Cracker Barrel for our Thanksgiving dinner”.

  2. Emily, I am so glad you shared this story! Enjoyed visiting with you at the Bazaar and happy that you were there with your books. The ability to laugh at ourselves makes life so much easier. Thank you for putting smiles on all who know you. You bless us with your humor and I thank you for that.
    Love, Suzanne D.

  3. Emily, it was so good to see you at the craft fair. I know you had to be wore out but you handled it with grace. I’m sure there are days when you feel like the world expects you to bench press a Buick. I did send you the links for Lalas video. I hope you feel like watching it and that it brings you joy. Let me know what you think. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving and your Sons spoil you rotten. 🦃

  4. George and I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and a better December.
    Love reading your blog. Your sense of humor is inspiring!

  5. Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for a really good laugh – the round up story bore resemblance to my hair spray story.

  6. Well, you did at least one good thing with your stories: You made me laugh out loud several times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. You are simply amazing and make ” real life” soooo funny!!! Thank you! What a gift you gave us all !

  8. Dear cousin, loved your story….They let us know that we are not the only ones experiencing life in this manner 😂. We will be home for the holidays as it is deer season and Doctor said to rest 3 more weeks..problem is been feeling so good that I had not rested..Plus we just love our 4 fur babies..but terriers are a new experience! Send off DNA for LaLa..wonder if it is full of surprises like ours! Love you, happy holidays..Prayers for more laughs, smiles and wonderful stories…Pat, Buddy, Rhett, Scarlett, LuLu and LaLa

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