How to fake a clean house

clean house

I’m a notorious serial cleaner when it comes to housekeeping.  I’ll never be awarded the Good Housekeeping seal of approval, but over the years I’ve figured out how to fake it.

Here are my suggestions on how to fake a clean house for those times when friends drop in and you’ve been putting off cleaning day.


Buy a smashing big bag – I have a huge straw one (above) which I keep beside my chair  for magazines, catalogs and current reading material along with my “maintenance tools” such as emery boards, lotion and tissues.  That kind of stuff is what clutter is made of and it looks tacky and kind of ‘old lady-like’ on the side table.

Reserve one side of the sofa cushions to be shown to guests. Before company arrives, flip over the cushions to reveal good-as-new fabric. When they leave, flip back to “slob” side.

Or, if like me you forget to flip back and both sides become a little grungy, just drape a colorful throw over the bad spots. Strategically placed throw pillows can also camouflage soiled upholstery.

Rid the upholstery of pet hair by wetting the fingertips of your rubber gloves and sliding your hand over the fabric.  The hair will stick to the rubber.

If you see someone coming up the drive way, toss all the unopened mail in the oven until you can get to it.  Just don’t forget it or you will have the Fire Department as your next guests.


Better yet, spread the word that you only “receive” guests after dark. Light some candles and no one’s the wiser.

6 thoughts on “How to fake a clean house

  1. Here’s my suggestion of how I fake a CLEAN House. Just have a big hamper in every room: Living Room (book Box) Bedroom (dirty clothes Hamper). Hampers in Dining room and Bath Room.

    I can clean a house in 10 minutes..No guilt…no shame.

    Everything looks clean and organized

    Another thing I do is lay out clothes on the bed and put the bed spread on top and straighten out…nice and neat….

  2. Hey a “dumpster box” in every room. Like it. But I don’t get the clothes on the bed with spread on top. I read that new trend is toward nixing top sheet and just sleeping with comforter. Would simplify making up the bed.

  3. Always have a few “get well” cards” lying around so the dropins will think you”ve been too sick to clean!

  4. Great idea Ronnie. I guess you all heard that Mr. Bigham died. I can’t help but remember how we thought he was so stoned-faced. Thinking back, I realize he was just holding the line so we would be afraid not to follow the rules. Great man.

  5. Hate top sheets. Tom and I sleep under a Duvet (or however you spell it.) light weight in the summer and heavy weight goose down in the winter.

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