By Demented Diva Sherry White Jeffcoat
Just when I start thinking that I am not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, the sharpest knife in the drawer, ummm oh well, you catch my drift, I see or read something that lets me know that I am still brighter and sharper than many who walk among us.
For example….I received a form letter from my health insurance provider this week. They wanted to clarify for us when we can and can not use the emergency room and be covered by our policy.
I am not kidding you that this is the ACTUAL LIST that they sent. They listed that you may go to the emergency room IF
(1) YOU HAVE NO PULSE…….Silence…..I reread it. You may go to the emergency room if you have no pulse. Okay, got it. If I have no pulse, I can go to the emergency room. Comforting to know that they will cover that bill if I live long enough to be grateful.
(2) IF I have serious bleeding. Well I have to really think about that one. If I am bleeding profusely, do I really need to worry if my insurance will cover it? Do people really have to have these things clarified for them?
(3) IF I have a severe eye injury. Tell me if I am wrong, but pretty much anything that damages the eye would qualify as serious. Hmmm I can’t see today, better make an appointment. Hope they can work me in.
(4) IF I have a broken bone. Thank goodness for that one. Hate to have the appointment clerk tell me they can’t work me in for a week when my bone is dangling out of my hip.
(5) I believe this is probably my favorite. “I can go to the emergency room IF I have an inability to breathe” <gasping>, <gasping>, “Reckon I ought to go to the emergency room?”
(6) IF I have a spinal cord or back injury. Ummm might need an ambulance to get me there, but yeah I believe I will GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM IF MY BACK IS BROKEN!
Last one on their list
(7) IF I have chest pain. Well, assuming I don’t have a heart attack before I can get there, I will take them up on their offer to pay for my emergency room visit for any of the conditions listed above.
Now that was their list of emergency care. Their list of non-emergency care must be for all of their totally dysfunctional beneficiaries.
Hey DON”T go to the emergency room IF
(1) You have a minor cut. “Oh dear, I have a paper cut, “CALL THE AMBULANCE!”
(2) You have an earache. I think that one needs more explanation to us. If your ear hurts because a bug is in the canal, I think that would change things. If my ear aches because my ear drum just blew out, that would change it too.
(3) You have a rising fever. What if it keeps on rising? What is your cut off point for approval to go the emergency room, 103, 104, 105 degrees? How high can I let it rise?
(4) Urinary tract infection. Now I know that this list was created by a male and not a female, because if you get a urinary tract infection on a Friday night, no woman can wait until Monday morning to go to routine care. IT HURTS! IT BURNS! IT MAKES YOU URINATE EVERY 30 SECONDS! Not an emergency? I don’t think so!
I see HUH moments EVERYWHERE I go! Am I the only one that notices these things? Yesterday there was a commercial on TV for a false teeth product . It had a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen. It said “If your dentures fit poorly, see your dentist” HUHHH?? I thought I’d make an appointment with my gynecologist to have those dentures checked out.
Another Huhhh?? moment this week….on the door leading into a dialysis unit my mother gets dialysis at was an interesting sign. I get really bored sitting there waiting for four hours , three times a week, so I know every sign by heart, and still find myself reading and rereading them again like I never saw them before. There is a huge red circle with a picture of a handgun on it with a black slash across the gun. I though “HMMM, I am going to go to dialysis now, better go “packin”. I could understand that sign at an airport or a courthouse, but the dialysis unit? Oh well, glad to know my mama is safe in there except for her insane demented diva daughter waiting outside.
Editor’s note: Sherry White Jeffcoat welcomes your comments. You may reach her by e-mail at Doeadearr@aol.com.