If I hear that ONE more time!#*&%


BY BONAFIDE DELUDED DIVA SHERRY WHITE BABEE_thumbJEFFCOAT

I am trying really, really hard not to lapse into the grumpy older person syndrome. I truly am. When things annoy me, I smile and walk on……usually.

Sometimes you just can’t help yourself though, like when a clerk at McDonalds, or Wal-Mart, or ANYWHERE isn’t the one smiling, isn’t the one saying thank you, isn’t the one speaking AT ALL. YOU are the one doing all of that.

I usually hold back, but I have been known upon occasion to say “ARE YOU HAVING A BAD DAY?” That usually snaps them out of whatever zone they were in. They usually say “Oh no, whyyyyy “?  I casually say “Well, you were being so RUDE, I figured you  probably had a really bad day and I just want to cheer you up.” They always appreciate that.

Some catch phrases lately though are just about ready to make me snap. I am going to lose it any day, I can feel it coming.

When people say “At the end of the day”, what does that mean now? It used to mean when it turned nightfall. Now it seems to mean once everything is said and done.

I hear this a lot on the reality series like “The Bachelor” where they say every other word about what “an amazing journey” they have been on. An amazing journey to me would be like a trip down the Amazon or scaling Mt Everest.

Speaking of Mt Everest, sorry I digress here, but what the heck are these people thinking when they do stuff like that? How can your lifetime dream be to climb to the top of a mountain that most people never live long enough to get to the top!!!!

The ones that did make it to the top usually wind up with no toes and fingers from frost bite! Andddddd on top of that, rescuers are brought in and risk their lives for these nuts making decisions to fulfill a lifetime dream that borders on insanity.

The survivors of these quests usually write books about their experiences and how they lived through it. Well my lifetime dream fulfillment, I promise, you will not be one that I will have to write about how I survived it!

“Have a nice day” used to get on my nerves until I decided it was better than saying something like “don’t let the door hit you in the *** “, so I decided to get over that one.

At a fast food drive through the other day, I was greeted by a most pleasant voice asking me if I wanted to try their special. When I said “no thank you” ,” I just want a sausage biscuit”, this really rude, non-animated voice comes on and said “okay, drive on through” almost like they were mad that I didn’t get the special.

So me being who I am, asked the clerk why she didn’t sound cheerful anymore. Turns out those are recordings! They use a recording to chirpingly (is that a word?) coax you to try their special.

Then you get those clerks that are the opposite of rude, they are overwhelmingly chatty and animated. They get all caught up in telling you how their day is going and the people behind you think YOU are the one holding up the line while you  are politely  nodding your head, saying “I know, yes you are right, uh huh, aww poor thing, yep you do need a break, yep I bet your feet do hurt after a 12 hour shift”.

Meanwhile I am turning to the line behind me, throwing up my hands when the clerk isn’t looking, and rolling my eyes to say “IT ISN”T ME”! They start going to other lines or giving you dirty looks, or the best one, doing the “silent fume”. You know that one. People that aren’t quite rude enough to actually say how they are feeling will give you that “fume”.

Their faces get that little pinched up look, they shoot daggers at you, and they start shifting from one foot to another. And the sighhhhhhhhh, don’t forgot the sigh, the long drawn out “ahhhhhhhhhhh” to get their message across.

Am I the only one that notices these things? Am I too irritable? I mean how are you supposed to react when, for instance at the Kentucky Fried Chicken drive-up, (as you can tell I am cooking less and less the older I get) you ask for their new broiled chicken and they tell you it will be a 45 minute wait?

These are supposed to be “fast food” places after all. Well being the ummm “patient” person that I am, I said ” well let me have the new chicken pot pie”. They respond with “that will be about 25 minutes”. Was I wrong in saying ” WHAT DO YOU HAVE COOKED, I WILL TAKE IT!” ?

And then to top it all off, as I drove away, they said “HAVE A NICE DAY”

(EDITOR’s NOTE:  Yes, the Deluded Diva now has a staff writer – Sherry – to whom I pay big bucks to fill in from time to time. For this piece she received a whopping $500 in Monopoly money.)

3 thoughts on “If I hear that ONE more time!#*&%

  1. That’s exactly why I have totally quit going to the Starkville KFC. They don’t never be having no chicken. I asked LaTonya why once. If they have any left over for too long, they are supposed to throw it away. I guess the obvious solution to that is to never cook it (except at 12:00 and 5:00) until someone comes in under the false impression that it’s a chicken place. I honestly don’t know how they’ve stayed open.

  2. She says what I am thinking!!! Looks like we have two Deluded Divas telling it like it is. Loved it!! Judy

  3. OH…MY…GOSH! THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE! THESE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO ALLLLLLLLLLL OF US!!! LOVE YOUR WRITING…SIS!

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