I’ll never sleep through church again


After being out later than usual due to the Mississippi State football game last night, I slept in today instead of going to church. About 11 a.m. I began to rally and discovered I was out of eggs.

I pulled my favorite hoodie out of the dryer and rushed over to the Jitney Jungle. As long as I was there, I wandered through the store picking up a few other items.  Along the way, I ran into  friends who had attended early church.

We chatted about the game and mundane things like the weather. I knew I was getting a lot of attention, and I was thinking I was pretty special.

As I waited in line, two aisles over, Florence Box whispered as quietly as she could, pointing to her upper back.

bra in hoody 022

“Emily, you have a bra hanging out of your hood.”

At first it didn’t compute. I looked at her blankly until her message reached my brain. Oh, my, God, (not a good time to call on Him, He had just played a good prank to teach me a lesson). I reached back and pulled the wayward bra out of my hood and stuffed it into my pocket. (I wanted to throw it on the floor and stomp on it declaring “It’s not mine!”)

I glanced around frantically to see if anyone else had noticed.

EVERYONE had noticed!  The other shoppers were practically in tears, trying to conceal their glee.  I turned a shade of maroon that would have pleased Dan Mullen.  If it had been a nice frilly bra, it might have been okay, but this was one of those old serviceable models you should have thrown away before 9/11, but it was so darn comfy.  You  never expected the world to see it anyway.

Even the bag boy couldn’t control his guffaws. An elderly man came over and said “Honey I wanted to tell you, but these days young people sometimes wear  their underwear outside.”

“WELL, NOT ME,” I wanted to scream.

I have never been more humiliated, but at the same time it was pretty funny.  I laughed out loud all the way home.  I walked over to tell my neighbor, Brenda, about my latest gaff.  (She’s keeping a list.)

Between tears, she said, “You know what that looks like, don’t you? Looks like you had a pretty wild time last night.”

Oh Gee.  I never thought of that.

But I learned a valuable lesson.  Never cut church without a good reason and always, always, check your hoodies for hidden articles of clothing.  I also learned that God has a wicked sense of humor.  I can hear a big “GOTCHA” up in the sky.

11 thoughts on “I’ll never sleep through church again

  1. OMG!! That is too funny, that would only happen to you girly!! Thanks for a good laugh!! Go Dawgs!!

  2. Em, I believe I would have said I was sleepwalking. That way, you would not be responsible for any of your actions. I’m still laughing!!!…………………………………

  3. Emily, you are a MESS! Your escapade reminds me of the other “true” story I heard along these lines. In my former small town, my friends had altar duty when they discovered they had failed to get the alter linen in time to starch and press it. So, they ran home and tossed it in the dryer to remove the wrinkles. When the preacher folded back the communion cloth for the congregation, a pair of ladies panties were attached to the cloth due to static cling. The preacher tried to kick the panties over towards the choir loft while they all watched. The members of the choir started laughing to the point of hysteria all the while the congregation thought someone had in the choir was stricken ill.

  4. Emily,
    This plus What a cute couple is why I start my day with you!! Laughter is the best way to start the day.

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