It’s a jungle out there

hoveround lead foot

(Editor’s note:  A reader – who will remain nameless since I didn’t get his permission- wrote the following. It really cracked me up since I had a similar experience today in Lowe’s – got run down by grandma on a hover-round.

He wrote:

“Well I broke a long standing rule yesterday about not shopping on the day after (Thanksgiving).  I thought Lowe’s at 3 o’clock in the afternoon would be safe enough and I needed some shelving so I could stock-pile 2 years of Spam.  It’s part of my survivalist/ austerity program.  So I went anyway.

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It turned out that shelving was the only items in the store not on sale. The place was mobbed.  Desperate, sweaty people throwing things in carts. Glazed eyes!  Maniacal, really!

A little old lady on a motorized scooter had me trapped and was bearing down on me at about 20 mph.  I was like a deer frozen in the headlights.  My whole life flashed before my eyes.  Well, not my whole life but some of the high points: like the time when I was in the boy scouts and got my life-saving merit badge; or making 95 on my pilots exam; or Mary Sue Armbruster!  Well actually, Mary Sue Armbruster wasn’t really a high point in my life but she was close. … I think she could have been one of my really high points but as it turned out Mary Sue went off to a Catholic girls school and I was warned to get off the planet….. But, I digress….

Back to Lowe’s.  After the little ol’ lady ran me down and I regained my senses, I got the hell out of there and swore; never again!!

My survivalist/austerity program is to be frugal and stock pile 2 years worth of food in case the predictions of shortages and devalued dollars are indeed true. I can’t think of a downside to the plan, however it would probably have been more prudent to start the plan the first of October before I bought the pontoon boat.  Hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it?  Well, I’m full of turkey and football ( pity about MSU ).   I wish you the merriest of holidays!

Here’s a tip on dog treats.  I tried the cheap hot dogs you suggested. I bought four lbs. at Sunflower and had to eat three and a half lbs. myself.  He ( my Jack Russell, ‘Gourmand’)  ate one weenie and decided it had to much sodium or the color was wrong and turned up his nose thereafter.  I have found a snack that he is crazy about though; chicken gizzards. Walmarts sells 2 lbs. for $1.57. When the expiration date gets close they will discount them 40%.. Bake ’em in the oven for 25 minutes at 350 degrees, cut them in thirds if you like and serve them as treats. Great to conceal a pill also. Has never refused them yet.”

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