It’s a jungle out there

hoveround lead foot

(Editor’s note:  A reader – who will remain nameless since I didn’t get his permission- wrote the following. It really cracked me up since I had a similar experience today in Lowe’s – got run down by grandma on a hover-round.

He wrote:

“Well I broke a long standing rule yesterday about not shopping on the day after (Thanksgiving).  I thought Lowe’s at 3 o’clock in the afternoon would be safe enough and I needed some shelving so I could stock-pile 2 years of Spam.  It’s part of my survivalist/ austerity program.  So I went anyway.


It turned out that shelving was the only items in the store not on sale. The place was mobbed.  Desperate, sweaty people throwing things in carts. Glazed eyes!  Maniacal, really!

A little old lady on a motorized scooter had me trapped and was bearing down on me at about 20 mph.  I was like a deer frozen in the headlights.  My whole life flashed before my eyes.  Well, not my whole life but some of the high points: like the time when I was in the boy scouts and got my life-saving merit badge; or making 95 on my pilots exam; or Mary Sue Armbruster!  Well actually, Mary Sue Armbruster wasn’t really a high point in my life but she was close. … I think she could have been one of my really high points but as it turned out Mary Sue went off to a Catholic girls school and I was warned to get off the planet….. But, I digress….

Back to Lowe’s.  After the little ol’ lady ran me down and I regained my senses, I got the hell out of there and swore; never again!!

My survivalist/austerity program is to be frugal and stock pile 2 years worth of food in case the predictions of shortages and devalued dollars are indeed true. I can’t think of a downside to the plan, however it would probably have been more prudent to start the plan the first of October before I bought the pontoon boat.  Hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it?  Well, I’m full of turkey and football ( pity about MSU ).   I wish you the merriest of holidays!

Here’s a tip on dog treats.  I tried the cheap hot dogs you suggested. I bought four lbs. at Sunflower and had to eat three and a half lbs. myself.  He ( my Jack Russell, ‘Gourmand’)  ate one weenie and decided it had to much sodium or the color was wrong and turned up his nose thereafter.  I have found a snack that he is crazy about though; chicken gizzards. Walmarts sells 2 lbs. for $1.57. When the expiration date gets close they will discount them 40%.. Bake ’em in the oven for 25 minutes at 350 degrees, cut them in thirds if you like and serve them as treats. Great to conceal a pill also. Has never refused them yet.”

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