Looks like winter will never end, but never mind. I’m sitting here surrounded by brochures describing a magnificent summer cruise I’ll be taking.
Oh, I’m also redecorating my home, and signing up for quarterly Botox treatments.
I may even trade in my trusty truck and buy a Miata which I’ll need to complement my new Botoxed face and updated lair.
Know how I’m funding all this? Why, I don’t have to pay income taxes anymore. I’m taking my April 15 reporting responsibility right out of the playbook of Tom Daschle and treasury secretary-designate Timothy Geithner.
When you get caught, you simply say “Ooops. I’m so sorry, but nobody’s perfect.” Practice those words, because you’re going to need them. You pay the back taxes and go about your business – even as a member of the nation’s most elite body.
I’m thinking we could resolve some of our nation’s economic woes by auditing every member of Congress and the president’s cabinet. If they’ve been fudging, they will be forced to pay up with hefty fines. We could bail out more banks with the increase in the federal budget. In fact, every member of Congress should be audited before he or she can qualify to run.
Could be one problem though. Would there be anyone qualified to run beside “average Joes” who go to work day in and day out, feed their families and still manage to pay their taxes? Maybe we need more “Average Joes” instead of Kennedy’s, Daschles, and Geithners.
I’m going to be using that phrase “Nobody’s Perfect” a lot.
I get stopped for doing 60 in a 45 mph zone.
“But officer, nobody’s perfect.”
I dump my McDonald’s bag out the window of my car. I tell my child “I shouldn’t have done that, but nobody’s perfect.”
I break my diet by eating a bag of Krispy Kreme Donuts. I tell my higher self “Hey, woman, nobody’s perfect” and i wipe my greasy fingers on my blouse.
We all know that no one is perfect, Mr. Daschle, but don’t insult us by using those lame words to counter balance your dismal failures.