Looking for my ‘stuff’ has become full-time job

losing_mind_keys Someone asked me what I do all day, now that I’m retired and all.

The answer was easy. I spend all my time looking for stuff that mysteriously disappears into the black hole that hovers around the fringes of my life.

On Sunday I locked my house, dropped my keys into my purse, and rode with a friend to church.  We went out for lunch afterwards and when I returned home, the keys were gone.  Just vanished.

I back- tracked to the church, and  then Old Waverly where we lunched.  That cost me an extra 40 miles and about an hour and a half.

No keys.

My frustration level was in the danger zone, especially since I had spent two hours looking for my left navy blue shoe, and was late for church.  I never found the left shoe and figure it is probably hanging out with my keys, having a grand ole time without me.

I sat down and tried to imagine what happened to those two items plus about a million other things that go  missing while I’m not paying attention.  Like my favorite silver cuff bracelet.  It’s been missing in action for about 60 days.

And what about my blender?  How could I lose a blender for goodness sake?  And my favorite toothbrush.  It just up and walked away, never to be seen again.

I’m beginning to wonder if I live a dual life.  Maybe I’m a sleep walker.  After retiring,  perhaps I assume an new identity and do who knows what until dawn.  That would explain the dark circles under my eyes.

Another possibility is that I live in a haunted house.  Evil spirits are toying with me and hiding things in the weirdest places. That would explain who put the cat food in the freezer and the pepperoni in the dog bowls.

That only leaves one scary explanation.  Maybe my mental marbles are being shot outside the circle one by one, and escaping through my ears.

They say that advancing age and forgetfulness go hand in hand. I don’t mind losing all these material objects, but a mind is terrible thing to lose.

My keys are gone forever, but I think I know where my car is parked. Whew.

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