Lose twenty inches in six days! Order now!


I kid you not! You can lose 20 inches by Saturday and probably 50 pounds (I haven’t tested that yet). Send me your credit card number and authorization for two payments of $19.99 and I will send you the secret.

If you act within the next 30 seconds, I will knock off one payment of $19.99 which means you will pay only $19.99 for this miraculous secret. If you act in the next five seconds I will include a 1/2 ounce of my miracle “fat slasher” pills and reduce your payment to $9.99. If you act within the next two seconds, you will received free shipping. If you act within the next one second, you will received it “priority mail” for $4.99.

We have only two left. Call immediately!

Okay, I’m ashamed to say I ordered such a product late one night when I couldn’t sleep and was eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. Sick of hard news, I began to channel surf and caught this miraculous program.

I ordered it, and proceeded to eat whatever I wanted because I was expecting the program to arrive any minute. I could turn myself around and lose 20 inches in 20 days. No need to diet now. The holidays are coming on and I can have a ball.

The plain brown package arrived today. It could have been a bomb -I didn’t even remember ordering it. What was it anyway?

It was a ball that had to be taken to the gas station to be blown up. The pills were filled with the air that should have been in the ball. The instructions were in Chinese.

Disclaimer – the woman pictured above lost her weight some other way.

One thought on “Lose twenty inches in six days! Order now!

  1. Em,

    Think I’ll just swim laps.

    However, have you seen that contraption the marshall arts actor guy advertises on tv? Price sounded pretty reasonable, and it folds up and goes under the bed. (By the way, you’re supposed to get it out from under there once and a while. It doesn’t magically work through the mattress. Oh, but that it would!!)


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