Man vs. Woman

dream_woman_vs_perfec_-man

The differences between men and women have long been a  confounding curiosity and sometimes a bone of contention.

Obviously a man sent me the following observations –  but they seem pretty “right on” to me. I think they were designed by some man as a good natured “put down” for women.  Frankly, I’m pretty proud of  womankind’s propensity  to take up the slack while men are snoozing at the wheel.  Therefore, I have edited the  original message freely to defend my superior sex.

shopping

Shopping is woman’s favorite sport, as illustrated above. I contend it still costs less and takes less time than say – golf?

NICKNAMES

  • If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
  • If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,  Low Life, or No Brains.


EATING OUT

  • When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though the bill is only for $31.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. (Well, dudes, who’s the yoyo here?)
  • When the girls get their bill, out comes the pocket calculator and the bill is split to the penny. They will go home feeling good about the experience, while men will find themselves short of enough cash to buy their daily six pack.

COSMETICS

  • A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
  • The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337(my personal count is more like the 1,000s). A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. Again, make-up is a sport – do we begrudge man’s fishing paraphernalia or the thingamadoochies in his tool box? Naw…


ARGUMENTS

  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.  Won’t he ever learn?

MARRIAGE

  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.  After all Bro’,  status quo is a polite synonym for ” stagnant.”


DRESSING UP

  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
  • A man will dress up for weddings and funerals and grumble about attending either.


NATURAL

  • Men wake up looking like they did when they went to bed.
  • Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (But, hey, the man will look that way all day long. It won’t get any better than that, and the woman will look spectacular once she applies her war paint.)


OFFSPRING

  • Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Now, Mr. Smart Boy, who’s the loser here?

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