Mirror, Mirror, give me a break!

mirror

Now that I’ve passed to the dark side of 40, I’ve begun to buy into the idea of remedial skin care to help undo the damage I’ve done sun bathing, laughing, smiling, crying, and breathing – all my favorite things.

While wandering through Bed, Bath and Beyond last week, I happened upon an innocuous-looking display featuring “essentials for the boudoir.”

Right in the dead center was a lighted make-up mirror with a sign bragging that it would magnify an object 15 times.

I casually glanced into the mirror to check my lipstick. What peered back to me was so grotesque I jumped back and shrieked loudly enough that the store manager called 911.

My son was with me. As he helped me up off the floor he whispered to me gently. “Mother, why do you do this to yourself? It multiplies every minor imperfection by FIFTEEN! “

I didn’t care. I bought it anyway.

murqa

That mirror has revealed a pock mark left over from kindergarten when I was the first to contract chicken pox. Mother was so proud.

I also discovered that my lips don’t match. The right side stops short of where the left side continues which leaves me with permanent smirk. If you see me smirking, don’t take it personally.

Those middle eastern women have a good idea – know where I can purchase a burqa?

I went through the hat box which serves a burial ground for all my cast off “Bottles of Hope” which didn’t work. They carry names like “Renova, Reclain and Reginerist.” It all made me want to Re-gurgitate. I poured them all into one jar and slathered them on my face.

This morning I rush to the 15X magnifying mirror and saw the same face I saw yesterday.

I’m beginning to appreciate the brilliant idea behind declining eye-sight which sets in about the time we turn 40.

4 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror, give me a break!

  1. You look awful pretty to me. I’ll tell you what I do to stay in denial. I always apply make up before putting on my glasses. Once I put the glasses on, I never look back. I do really well until someone takes a picture…..it’s hard for me to identify with that old woman in the picture.
    If you ever find me buying one of those magnifying mirrors, call 911 because someone will be behind me holding a gun.
    Back to you, though……you look great.
    Love, Annie

  2. Annie, I look pretty hideous in a 15X make-up mirror. But how do you put on make up without being able to see? That’s a great talent you have there. Now, if everyone had bad eyesight, that would be such a blessing!

  3. Sometimes I do check out the eyebrows and lipstick just so I don’t do that “old lady over the line ” thing.

  4. Emily , I am sitting here at work catching up on my Deluded Diva’s blog and I am lmbo at this one……………….I mean cracking up …………….you are tooooooooo funny

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