Murphy’s lesser known laws

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Surely you’ve had moments when Murphy’s Law invades your territory.  You know the old adage – “Anything that can go wrong, probably will.”

Surprisingly, this law was only discovered in 1949 – about the same time I made my debut on earth.

I’m wondering if I was adopted by a man named

cjeri Murphy, because I have all his genes.

My twist on the universal law is more like “if I can botch something up, I go out of my way to do so.”

I have been running my life according to Murphy’s Law for as long as I can remember.  Here are a few new ones I’ve discovered in my attempt to master Murphy’s Law.

* The flashlight is a device for storing dead batteries.  I have three and all are dead as doornails.  I found that out last night when I attempted to go out back to shut the door of the greenhouse.  I had to plug a lamp into a long extension cord and carry it out into the darkness;

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*The Jell-O will never set up if there is anyone but you in the house, ditto for pecan pies.  I didn’t discover this until Thanksgiving Day;

* My plumbing is somehow connected to the doorbell.  It never clogs up until guests arrive;

* The shinbone is a device for locating the corner of the coffee table in the dark. I found that out last night when I attempted to wander through my newly rearranged living room in the dark;

* When you reorganize the tool shed or the silver drawer be prepared to jumble it all up again while looking for something in the place where it used to be;

* He who laughs last thinks slowest. I guess I’m a slow thinker, but I’m a fast walker which accounts for most of my mishaps;

* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.  I discovered that my left foot is a full size larger than the right and I’ve been limping for almost a decade.  I wish shoe stores would begin selling “separates” so I can walk again;

*Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. I still have every piece of my first (and ugliest) china pattern, and only about three pieces of my Mother’s beautiful Haviland pattern;

Someone sent me instructions on how to cope with Murphy’s law.

Step 1: Butter a piece of toast.

Step 2: Think of two or more things that could happen if you dropped it. Are any of these more likely to happen if you are wearing suede shoes or just bought a beautiful oriental rug for your kitchen?

Step 3: Drop the toast.

Step 4: Say “Hmm, I thought that would happen.”  See? You are back in complete control!

2 thoughts on “Murphy’s lesser known laws

  1. Emily, this is one of your funniest! I have a couple of dead battery storage units in very handy places around the house. And share your use of the shin!

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