Our culture seems to have an abnormal preoccupation with youth and all its trappings. I have decided to declare war on that mindset, and I invite you to join me on me on my crusade to make senior citizens the most admired and often-imitated segment of society.
You say it can’t be done? Au contraire. First off, by reaching 50 and beyond, you are assured you will never have to die young. Here are some other perks you can look forward to as you enter the Golden Years:
*People let you go first in the buffetline and offer you a seat where seating is limited (they also let you take the last shrimp, piece of birthday cake, etc.);
* The things you buy now won’t wear out;
* With Photoshop you never have to take a bad picture again;
* You no longer feel the need to impress, so anything goes – including your fashionable wardrobe and constant primping. You can’t see anything in the mirror anyway unless it’s magnified at least eight times.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off;
*You are probably the last generation to receive social security payments before the well runs dry;
*There is nothing left to learn the hard way;
*Staying within the speed limit is no longer a challenge;
*You can avoid any promise by saying you forgot. Ditto for functions you’d rather avoid;
*You get those nifty senior discounts. Let’s lobby for a more substantial 25 percent;
*Bald continues to be a fashion statement. Now if we can get the public to view wrinkles as badges of honor. Think of them as nature’s two dimensional tattoos;
*The children start springing for the check in restaurants;
Now, who wants to be twenty or thirty again? Not me. My fifty-twelve suits me just fine.