Road trip poses fodder for thought

BABEE_thumbBy Staff Writer and Demented Diva Sherry White Jeffcoat

Either I am getting really really strange, or the world is, because I just don’t “get” a lot of things lately.

I just returned from a weekend road trip and several things along the way made me pause and go “HMMMMM”. I mean they weren’t major jaw dropping events , but enough to distract you and give me several minutes of trying to figure out why people say and do certain things.

jake

For example, I was entering a fairly major city in Alabama. Now, I have seen signs up that I thought ” well some segment of the population would understand that, because it is obviously up there for a reason and means something to someone.”

For instance, there is always that sign that says “NO JAKE BRAKES”. I wondered about that one for years until a trucker explained it to me. I actually didn’t even understand the explanation, but what the heck, at least there was an explanation.

However, the sign that I saw when entering the city in Alabama was gigantic and proclaimed “NO MILK TRUCKS”! Now do I even need to ask you what the heck that meant? I am sure that sign turned around hundreds of milk trucks headed for the city.

I can hear the trucker delivering milk now saying ” Darn it, another city that won’t accept milk”. WHAT DID THAT MEAN???? I drove on for hundreds of miles thinking “okay, now… to SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE,  that sign meant something to them. They understood it. Maybe you do, but here is one yahoo that didn’t “get it”.

Another thing I noticed on this trip and didn’t get, had to do with the cream for my coffee. I stopped for coffee, gathered up several packets of what I thought was cream. I started opening the little packet cups and began pouring them in my coffee. I think they always put like 3 drops to a pack so it takes you 22 packs to get enough to make your coffee look like it isn’t black.

But, I digress….what caused me to go “hmmmm” again was that in big bold letters at the top of the packet, it said “DAIRY FRESH”!  Wellll, right beneath dairy fresh it said “non-dairy product”. What’s that about??? If I wanted dried powder chemicals to cream my coffee, I would have chosen the paper packets that unashamedly tell you it is a product that resembles cream, sort of tastes like cream, but has no ingredient that you recognize, especially not milk or cream. It usually has some name like hydrochloride ethanol battery acid with 20 more chemicals in the list.

Well, while resting at a rest stop (that’s why they call them rest stops), at least they named that appropriately, I decided to check my e-mail on my cell phone.

I am new to that and to be honest, that isn’t really a pleasant experience. The print is tinier than the fine print on a car loan agreement and really hard to access on my little dinky phone. I still haven’t upgraded to any of those phones that are like a keyboard where you can actually type a letter at a time instead of waiting for ABC to become a C so you can type it in.

Anywayyyy, after all the time it took me to type in my password and access the Internet in my painstaking manner, a message popped up that I swear was some person and not some automatically generated message that said ” I AM TIRED OF WAITING ON YOU SO NOW YOUR TIME HAS EXPIRED”.

Now…. I couldn’t believe that one. After all my hen pecking typing on that little phone, they are screaming at me that they are tired of waiting on ME? I gave it up and decided if anyone wanted to talk to me they better just call me because I was already about ready to snap.

I was thinking to myself “they have no idea I have gone off my anti-depressant and don’t know who they are dealing with”. I said the same thing last week about two women sitting behind Mama and me at the movie who had decided to catch up on each other’s last 10 years instead of watching the movie.

As I began….slowly….to twist my head back toward their direction with a crazed look on my face, I began to sense that they got my drift. Then fortunately for them, Mama and I heard the small shuffling of their feet moving  to the nosebleed section.

And then there were the cows…hundreds and hundreds of cows. I am wondering what they do all day. Are they sitting there thinking “Moooooooooooooo….hmmm what do I want to today? Maybe I will eat a little grass, hmmm maybe take a little nap with the rest of the gang underneath the shade tree, or maybe I will test out my mooing skills.” Do you think the constant swishing of their tails aimed  at the flies COULD be the reason they take so many naps?

Now men will understand this one and think women are idiots because we don’t. I decided to take the toll road to avoid the downtown traffic. I paid $1.50 to skip the scenic downtown red lights and traffic. What was confusing to me was they said you have to pay by axles. The male attendant on duty that day got a huge smirk when I asked this question. Yes I really asked this question….” How many axles do I have?” I think I even deserved the smirk. Hey if you say it, own it.

So many things to ponder on a trip when you are bored. No wonder it took me 8 hours to go on a 3 hour trip.

7 thoughts on “Road trip poses fodder for thought

  1. So tell me, why can’t Jake brake in Alabama and why on earth are milk trucks prohibited? Very puzzling – maybe some Alabama reader can enlighten us.

  2. Are you saying that going on a trip with you is like going with a 5 year old?
    They ask a million questions too. I can personally say you are fun fun. xoxo Cuz

  3. hey girls..jake can’t break in West Point either. i think it is because of the loud/scary noise the trucks make when the jake brake is used

  4. You really are my wonderful “demented” Diva; Great stroy but you omitted something–What does “No imilk trucks” mean?? That can be another story.

    Love you,

    Pat

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