Ever since I first saw the infomercial for the SLAP CHOP contraption on television, I’ve been dying to own one. It leads with the promise you can slap change your eating habits forever.
“Slap your troubles away,” he chirps into his county fair-headset as he leans into the camera. “Stop having a boring life!” Meanwhile he pulverizes carrots, onions, tuna, and anything else you can think of into tiny bits.
Life improvement seems to be high on Offer’s list, for he also says that, with the Slap Chop, “you’re gonna have an exciting life” and that “life’s hard enough as it is. You don’t want to cry anymore!”
Wait, is Vince now a therapist, too?
I also figured this could qualify as a piece of exercise equipment – burning untold calories as I slap and chop my way through the day.
Who wouldn’t be willing to purchase that for $19.95. Plus if you order “now” (which as far as I can tell is anytime), you get the companion “graty” for free. Gullible as I am, I bit. Went on line to order – gave them all my secret information and just as I was about the hit the order button – up popped a warning by my computer firewall. Apparently this was not a “secure sight” and I guess the whole world now has my credit card number, real age, cell phone number and anything else a criminal would need to steal my identify.
I exited the site immediately and decided to just get my paring knife sharpened. A few moments later, a message was sent by the Slap Chop folks thanking me for my order and trying to sell me the rest of their Slam Wham stuff. Apparently my order was placed before I ever pressed the “accept” button.
I don’t know what else to do except keep a close eye on my credit card transactions and wait with baited breath (no pun intended) to receive the Slam Chop and start my life over. Just wanted to give you a warning.