The worst cook in America

vege lalsagne

Help! My Vege lasagna escaped its pan..

I was delighted to learn that the Food Network is sponsoring a contest to find  the worst cooks in America.  Now there’s a dubious honor for which I can surely qualify.

screwjobber-mastermixer4001257254285 Twelve of the most hopeless cooks in the country  competed in a high-stakes elimination series in “Worst Cooks in America Challenge.” Some reviews have called the Worst Cooks in America, the worst show in America.

It ranks right up there with the “Cupcake Wars.”  (Who comes up with this stuff?)

I tuned in recently and thought some parts were pretty funny, especially the dude who chopped the stems off of his asparagus–and cooked them while throwing away the tips.  The winner boiled her green beans still in the box they came in.

“But it said to cook in pouch,” she whined.  She just dropped the whole thing a pot of boiling water.  Now, even I wouldn’t do that. But I once made macaroni and cheese for my children using a boxed product that had expired before the Nixon administration. They’ve never been able to eat Mac and Cheese since.

flops And never, ever try to thaw a bag of marshmallows in the microwave.  They blow up into one humongous single marshmallow and the bag explodes.  That’s always an exciting  finale for  your dinner party.

Nor should you cook anything pink – not a good color for food and you expect it to taste like Pepto-Bismol.

I began to suspect my cooking abilities were substandard several years ago when I had a conversation with my boys – who are grown and have flown the coop.

I grilled them about what  delectable dish from my kitchen, they most yearn for when they are far away from home.  Both answered in unison, “Godfather’s Pizza!”  I was hoping it would be something that didn’t come in a cardboard box!  I was “fishing for compliments” but they didn’t bite.

They reminded me of the time I tried to puree squash in the blender without the top on.  There’s still a piece of squash hanging on the ceiling. Another time I tried to make a smoothie with fresh plums.  No one told me plums have pits.   My husband asked me if I was bowling in the kitchen!

I’m going on line this very instant to nominated myself for the next episode.

As the winner, I will get $25,000 and hopefully, some cooking lessons.

2 thoughts on “The worst cook in America

  1. Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in a while. I laughed so hard at your marshmellow, squash, and plum escapades, that I we’ed my pants.(just another joy of reaching our age). You have a wonderful
    Gift of humor. I really enjoy your articals.

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