Things that go missing can drive you crazy


Now how’d that remote get into the silver drawer?


I just spent two hours searching my house for a book I bought several years ago when I was dreaming of building a cabin in the woods. I never did find it, but I found a million other things that have been missing. Of course, I wasn’t particularly interested in finding them anymore.

Here are things that mysteriously always seem to “go missing” at my place:

*The remote control – I’ve looked high and low but it is no where to be found. It went missing on Saturday and I feel certain it’s been murdered. So I have to get up and change the television channel. What a bummer since I’m as bad as a man about channel surfing.  Later I found it in the silver drawer.  I’ve not a clue when I placed it there.

*My hammer – It apparently has legs of its own. It wanders aimlessly around my house and sometimes settles in strange places like under my claw footed bathtub. “You bad boy, how did you get under there!”

*My last bottle of habernaro hot sauce. I slaved for hours making that sauce and gave all but one bottle away to friends. Now mine is MIA. I’ve looked all over the refrigerator where it should be and it’s gone. I even searched my make-up drawer – maybe I was taking a nip while removing my make-up, you never know.

*My brown mules – (shoes not animals) They’re not in the shoe barn. I can understand one shoe missing, but a pair? I’m trying to remember if I came home barefooted recently. I don’t think so.

*Food storage tops. I have an extensive collection but hardly one top has a matching bottom or vice versa. Does the dish washer eat things – just like my washing machine gobbles up and digests my socks?

* My reading glasses. This has puzzled me for some time. I keep at least 10 pair around the house and suddenly I can only find the ones that pinch my nose. Well, guess what. I was vacuuming my big chair and a half this week and found four pair had sneaked underneath the cushion. That’s not a bad place to keep them if you think about it.

*My 10-pound barbells. These things are hideous and hard to hide, but somehow I manage. When I can’t find them, I don’t have to work out. But I’m having a hard time finding new places in which to lose them.

*My pruning shears. I wish someone would develop shears that glow in the dark. I lay them down in the yard then can’t find them until two seasons later when they turn up rusty and caked in mud.

*My cell-phone. I’m forever having to call it from my house phone so that annoying ring can lead me to discover it – usually hiding in the lining of my handbag.

*My coffee cup. This is a real puzzler. I get most of my exercise retracing my steps in search of the elusive coffee cup. Usually I just give up and pour myself a new one. Then there was the bizarre was case of the missing glass of cranberry juice. It never did turn up. I don’t care about the juice, but that glass belonged to my grandmother.

I’m convinced there’s a legion of sprites or mean-spirited fairies who inhabit the Earth. Their one mission in life is to hide stuff and force us to waste valuable time trying to retrieve them.

3 thoughts on “Things that go missing can drive you crazy

  1. Hiya Em,

    Think I found your missing stuff. Just tried on my new Speedo, and all of that is all the way around my middle. Know I let stuff get under my skin at times, but this is ridiculous — looks like I’m wearing one of those controversial “fat suits” that they used in a few movies a while back. Didn’t like ’em them and don’t like ’em now!

    Anyway, the idea is to fill my bucket with swimming, so I’m going to ignore it and keep doing those laps. Wish I could return all this stuff to you, but, frankly, I hope it disappears again!

    Thoroughly enjoyed identifying with the lost stuff!

  2. Can’t believe you don’t paint the handles of your gardening tools (trowels, pruning shears, etc.) your favorite bright color…you can always spot the tools then….

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