I’m going to have some signs printed up for my door that say “Temporarily Closed for Maintenance.”
On Saturday, the most delightful rain set in to replenish the thirsty soil in my garden. There was nothing much else to do but catch up on some seriously overdue interior maintenance. If you’re envisioning a bunch of dusting, polishing and vacuuming, fahgeddaboudit! I wouldn’t spend such a delicious day doing such menial tasks.
I decided to give myself a make-over, but unfortunately it turned out to a monumental “make-under.” I went to Fred’s Dollar Store and purchased a hair coloring kit for $2.99. That was probably my first mistake. If you’re going to color your hair yourself, you probably should spring for the $10.99 kit.
I’ve only colored my own hair one other time in my life and it turned out disastrously. I don’t know why I thought this would be any different. But in the interest of saving money in this anemic economy, I decided to save myself $90 dollars.
Yes. It costs me about $90 every two months to maintain these less than lustrous locks. I figure that coloring my own hair six times a year will net me an additional $540 with which to feed my gas tank. I thought this was a no-brainer, but then, my brain sometimes emits negative waves.
I locked the doors and got out the “instruments”. There were gloves, bottles of stuff you have to mix together and instructions in Spanish. (I bet the $10 kit would have been in English.) I did everything I thought it said, and set the timer for 20 minutes. I sat down to watch the latest episode of the Barrack Obama show, when my neighbor came knocking to borrow my pruning sheers.
Now, you must know he’s never seen me without make-up or wearing hair spiked up like Boy George. He quietly excused himself, saying he must have the wrong address.
“Naw, come on in. I’m coloring my hair,” I explained. He looked around the kitchen as if suspecting I might be eating squirrels. While we were out back searching for the pruning sheers, my son dropped by to install some new “Ram” in my computer. He took one look at me and suggested I might want to stay inside and shut the curtains during “maintenance.”
Another friend dropped by to leave me a book I’ve been wanting to read. She said I looked like one of those aliens that landed in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947.
Everyone finally cleared out and I went and washed out the color. I was already about 20 minutes overdue, but hope floats and I was expecting spectacular results. After wiping the steam off the mirror I looked at my newly colored locks.
They were green! Green as Brussels sprouts which always make me want to regurgitate. I almost did. Why has no one ever told me you should not put ash tones on graying hair? Gray and brown make a delicate shade of GREEN.
I put on sunglasses and went to the CVS to get another hair color kit. I noticed small children pointing at me. I spent $8.99 on a new kit and it worked pretty well but I had to go dark to mask all that green. I’m now a brunette.
I’m going to go ahead and pencil in my next Maintenance Day for early September, but not before making an appointment with my hairdresser.