Oh yeah, I’ve been on vacation this week and that’s why an earlier post was actually written last week when I was all pumped up about trying to get healthy.
Then on a whim I decided to take a vacation and do SQUAT. Squat just barely exceeds scant and it’s not much. In fact, in my world it’s NOTHING. That’s not me at the left – her robe has no tomato soup stains.
You’ve heard the joke about how important it is to be nice to retirees because they never get a day off, right? Well, I’m soliciting sympathy for my plight which turned out to be extreme inertia. I could start a reality show. It was heavenly. I stayed in my PJs all day and watched the just released last season of “The Killing” on Netflix. I ate grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup three or maybe five times a day – I lost count.
I dosed during almost every episode which meant I had to go back and watch the thing twice. I didn’t sleep but two hours each night because I slept so much during the day. I should feel guilty but I don’t. Some people go to Las Vegas, the beach, the mountains or Italy when vacationing. Me? I remained cradled in the arms of Big Red, my little ladylike recliner which has the imprint of my you know what etched forever on its seat.
I didn’t answer the phone, in case you called. I didn’t see another soul except Brenda who came over to ask what I was up to. I think she thought I had a man in here. Sadly, today I proclaimed the vacation over and will be rejoining society momentarily. To be honest there was a smidgen of depression involved in this “staycation” since I’ve finished “The Book” and it’s off to publisher. I felt adrift, missionless.. So I’m looking for a new project to tackle.
I was thinking of basket weaving, but that’s what I majored in at Ole Miss. Maybe I’ll get into “Rock, Paper Scissors” – there is a world championship competition coming up in Australia.
Or maybe I’ll qualify for “Staremasters,” an influential organization which also sponsors world class competition. You just stare at someone the longest without laughing, coughing or sneezing. Blinking is allowed during the first two minutes. The winner goes on to the Dry-eye Round. I kid you not. Big money is the prize in both “sports” – $10,000 for RPS championship.
Maybe I can excel in sports after all. But now that the book is on the way, my new dream is to be an extra in a movie. Shucks. I missed Sharknado. I would have been perfect for that.
The book will be available September 15. Titled “Love, Laughter and Losing My Keys: A Boomer’s Survival Guide” it will be available locally in area book and gift shops and on Amazon. Let me know how many dozen you want.