Pardon my grammar, but the headline says it best. Words cannot adequately express the degree of embarrassment heaped on me because I’m just little bit cheap.
For several years I’ve been a member of an investment club with twelve friends who are not very big spenders. We kick in $25 a month to buy stocks on the New York Stock Exchange in hopes of someday scoring big in the world of high finance.
We buy stock in companies that make things that we use every day like Kleenex, Vicks Vapor Rub, and toilet paper. We meet once a month with each “partner” rotating as hostess. This month was my turn and I decided to serve my Aunt Emma’s Famous Turnip Green Soup. Sounds awful I know, but it’s really quite good, embarrassingly cheap, and a breeze to whip up at a moment’s notice.
Our program chairman called me to say we had a special guest coming to deliver our keynote address. (Each month, we try to get someone who knows more than we do about financial matters – which means we typically have the math teacher from junior high or someone selling insurance.)
I vacuumed the house and was about to get out the good china and crystal until I remembered the cute Styrofoam cups I bought at a local gift shop which have been embossed with the words “Red Neck Crystal.” I thought they would be good for a laugh and make the perfect vessel in which to serve my “Red Neck” soup.
Everyone arrived at 6:30 p.m. sharp and they all seemed unusually excited. While I sprayed room freshener trying to neutralize the smell of turnip greens, someone spilled the beans and announced that Warren Buffett was going to be the special guest.
Well, I was ecstatic because I love Buffett’s music I began humming “Wasting away in Margaritaville” and wondered what Buffett was doing in Starkville.
I was flabbergasted to learn that this was not the music giant with whom I like to sing along. This was WARREN Buffett, the king of Wall Street, the man Forbes Magazine lists as the second richest person in the world! Stock in his company, Berkshire Hathaway, sells for about $100,000 a pop. This is who I was going to entertain with turnip green soup in a Styrofoam cup!?
The door bell rang and everyone stampeded to the door. There stood this distinguished man who seemed genuinely delighted to be visiting in my home – at least until Rebel, my nervous Boston terrier, threw up on his Italian loafers. I was speechless, and went to find the Windex to clean up his shoes. I was really trying to stall the moment I had to serve this cosmopolitan icon of the financial world my low country fare
As I began to dish up the soup, I discovered it looked eerily similar to what Rebel had just thrown up on his shoes. Help me, I prayed. Get me out of this, and I will never be so cheap again.
I was sweating bullets and wanted to die on the spot, when my clock radio signaled the beginning of another day. The racket mercifully rescued me from my all time worst nightmare!
Ahhhhh. The sweet realization that I was only dreaming was the best news I’ve had this year. But I still wonder what Warren Buffet would have thought of my Turnip Green Soup.
I’m sharing my recipe at the risk of alienating my Aunt Emma who wanted to keep it a secret. That wouldn’t be fair to mankind.
Aunt Emma’s Turnip Green Soup
2 or three medium cans turnip greens
2 cans beans with jalapeño peppers (any kind, white or pinto will do)
2 cans Rotel Tomatoes (the hotter the better)
1 hambone or chopped ham to taste.
Mix all ingredients and cook 4 – 6 hours in the crock pot. Serve with cornbread muffins unless Warren Buffett is coming to dinner – you might want to make Yorkshire pudding or something more sophisticated.