Ha! I’m vindicated at last. My children and friends have chastised me for years for drinking unfiltered tap water.
Look. I lived in New Orleans during the 1980s and drank that stinky river water without any complications, so why would I pay $1.89 for a designer bottle of water?
Nevertheless, I just purchased two cases of bottled water at Lowe’s in preparation for my canoe trip. It was less than a quarter a bottle. No wonder. When I arrived home and was unloading the water, I overheard a breaking news report that Congress is looking into the bottled water industry, and has discovered that some brands contain more offensive chemicals than what comes out of my toilet!
I ran to check the ingredients in my bottled water. It was distributed by Deerpark which sounds very wholesome. The ingredients listed ” water” (what a surprise), but apparently no one has to prove that.
Thank you, Congress, for ruining yet another perfectly good day. I’m reminded of a saying of my old friend, Jimmy Smith, who used to accuse: “Stepping on piss ants and letting the elephants run wild.”
Okay. I’ll dump out the water and refill the bottles with tap water. Now, Congress, will you please go home.