Remember my name because I’m going to be famous.
I wanted you to be the first to know that I am writing a diet book. It’s going to be the most revolutionary approach to weight reduction since Dr. Atkins took away our daily bread. I’m already thinking about what I’ll wear when I go on the Oprah show.
The title will be “Eat Everything You like and Lose 20 pounds in One Month.” The premise is simple and it’s sure to work if you follow five simple rules:
#1 Eat only while seated. So, as you pick at the left-overs straight from the refrigerator, pull up a chair.
#2 The only utensils allowed are chopsticks. No fingers! (Try eating a bag of M & Ms with a pair of chopsticks sometime.)
#3 Prop an 8 by 10 mirror beside your place at the table and carry on a running conversation with yourself while knoshing down your dinner. It will take your appetite away immediately – especially if it’s an 8X magnifier.
#4 Chew every bite 20 times. (Yes, even Coolwhip and Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough)
#5 Have a brandy glass of Listerine with your dessert.
Now what could be simpler? I guarantee, you’ll lose 20 pounds or your money back.
I’ve been talking with the Barnes & Noble people. They’re a little skeptible, so put in a word for me, okay?
This will be a thin little book, so it will sell for about $1.99. If everyone in my community buys one, I’ll make about $40,000. But the real money will be made from the products I will market on the side– the monogrammed chopsticks in designer colors, the 8X times magnifying mirror which has a special hook to hang from your neck, and my private label mouth wash.
I’m going to be rich, rich, rich!
If you have any tips to add, let me know and I’ll include them in the book and give you credit. Heck, you can even sit beside me when Diane Sawyer comes for an interview.