You can’t hold a man with Elmer’s glue


As most of you know, I like to collect real life funny stories.  I jot them down as people tell them to me so that I can go back and read them on gloomy days.

One chapter is called “The Best of the Worst” category in culinary disasters.

This morning while I was Krogering a man

salt and sugar ran over to tell me about an innocent blunder which occurred when he tried to bake a birthday cake for this wife. 

His wife has a habit of storing all her staples in colorful canisters – including the salt. As he opened the first canister (unlabeled, I presume), he measured out a cup and a half of what looked like sugar to him.

“It was white,” he reported. “What else could it be?”

In his defense, I would probably have done the same. He didn’t taste it. Why would he? It was white and granular and who keeps salt in a canister anyway? It would take a seasoned cook to detect the difference between salt and sugar.

The man didn’t realize his folly until the party began and he produced the “surprise cake” with great fanfare. It looked pretty good. He kissed his wife and began slicing the cake for his guests who eagerly partook.

He was puzzled when the guests began gagging in unison while trying in vain to look appropriately impressed with his thoughtful gesture.

The cake was one “SALTY DOG!”

A high school friend of mine from West Point reminded me of the time we had made chocolate fudge for our boyfriends. We wanted to get back at them for some long forgotten slight…or maybe just because we wanted to walk on the wild side. I can’t remember.

We replaced the milk in our fudge recipe with Elmer’s Glue. Looking back, I’m not even sure there was milk in the recipe. We just wanted to bring them to their knees.

Our boyfriends scarfed down the fudge with smiles on their faces and proceeded to dance the night away with the niece of a neighbor who was visiting from a big city in Florida. The glue didn’t phase them, but the girl certainly did.

My girlfriend and I sat in the shadows and fumed. We wondered what it would take to tame a man. We learned right then and there, that Elmer’s Glue was not the answer.

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