The Deluded Diva

Emily Jones

6 years ago

Our mothers did it when they told us we were beautiful during our chubby baby-fat period; our boyfriends did it by pledging undying devotion while sneaking a peak up the dress of our best friend: and then there’s politicians, but we won’t go there.

I don’t know about you but I have a whole arsenal of lies to help me get through the day.

“I’d LOVE to go to the rap concert but my hearing aid is broken (and I don’t even wear a hearing aid). Saying yes to life is wonderful, if you mean it. Saying yes reflexively to any and every invitation—your second cousin’s boss’s baby shower, for example—could mean you’re giving up your life to enhance lives of others.

And we lies we tell to ourselves are the worst of all.

*I’m going to clean out my closet today if it kills me.

*Not one morsel of sugar with pass through my lips,” I pledge each morning while brushing my teeth. By 4 p.m. I’m at book club noshing down entire batch of homemade fudge. But hey. It’s not at my house! I could write a book about all the promises I’ve made to myself and broken before noon.

Most days I promise myself I’ll log 10,000 steps on my Fitbit pedometer and late in the day begin poking my arms at thin air because somehow it fools Fitbit into thinking I’m up on the hiking trail. My friend Norma found that she could log on a quarter mile patting her grandchild to sleep. That’s brilliant!

Yet, all lies. And this just in…Lying can be hazardous to your health as demonstrated by Notre Dame researchers who found that serial fibs may impact your health. Those who reported they rarely told bold-face lies reported better sleep, less stress and sadness, and fewer headaches and sore throat.I bet they have better relationships too.

That nagging little voice in my head which drives me crazy from time to time has begun making sense and its a little disconcerting. For years it has been urging me to keep my conscience clean by being brutally honest in all situations and stop stretching tidbits of truth until they are forced to pop and give you whiplash.

Do I have to give up all lies? How about half? That should be good for starters. Or at least save your lying for the internet – everyone should know by now you can’t believe a thing on the internet. But it you post a lie I’d use someone else’s name.