The world has become a scary and dangerous place, so I have decided to take drastic measures and invest in some hand guns.
The two I bought didn’t even require any registration or credentials. Obviously I’m not living in a gun free zone. I’ve been doing some target shooting on my back porch and the authorities don’t even seem to care.
The first gun above will be used to caulk shut the gaping hole along the base of my porch columns The little number above will be used to glue shut the flapping mouths of politicians who are ruining programming on the television set. Thank heavens for Netflix, Amazon Prime and Acorn: my favorite British station.
Escapism is alive and well at my house.
Now. Does anyone know where I can get some lessons on how to use a caulk gun. I’m pretty sure it can be used in self defense in certain situations. Incidentally, does anyone know where to buy a “grabber”. My cousin, Doug, says it looks just like a rifle if you cover a portion of it with a jacket.
If all else fails, I have a can of wasp spray waiting at the door to blind anyone who enters without permission. They say it will blind someone only temporarily but who is willing to be the the guinea pig to try it out.