Christmas came a little early this year

msu helmut

Christmas came before Thanksgiving this year and it wasn’t what I’d ordered, and certainly not what I wanted.

I received a lovely hospital bracelet, a cat scan, a tetanus shot, some narcotics and staples in my head.

Santa, what were you thinking?  The best part is, I’m receiving a Mississippi State football helmet to wear while I do my housework from now on.  Phil Silva, the MSU equipment manager, promised. He said he would deliver it when he gets back from Little Rock.

On Friday, I launched my annual marathon house cleaning  session which gets me through Christmas and straight through Easter.  This year I got a little rambunctious and began cleaning at sun rise, moving furniture and hanging things that I’d been meaning to hang for ages.

In the process, I tripped over Lucky Dawg’s “child guard” (which keeps her from sleeping on the guest room bed).  I fell headfirst into the corner of a door frame and felt a little stupid. When I reached up to rub my head, there was this red stuff running down my face.

What the heck….? Oh, Lord. Help me. I have fallen and I’m bleeding to death.  I didn’t know what to do.  Lucky and Rebel were running around thinking I had a new game to play… and so colorful!

I had my neighbor, Brenda’s phone number on my speed dial, and I called her.  She and her husband David, a former football coach, came charging through the door within seconds. I was so embarrassed.  I hadn’t even dressed or put on make-up.

David sat me on the toilet – that was the closest seat available – and examined the damage. He said he’d seen worse, but reminded me of that lady downhill skier who ran into a tree and said she felt fine, but died a few hours later. Oh great! I let them talk me into going to the emergency room.

I rode along with a paper towel on my head and tried to put sentences together. The nice emergency room nurse asked me if my vision was okay.  I couldn’t see her nametag because I’d smashed my reading glasses during the fall.

Ooops.  Vision blurred, must be brain damage.  I pictured my brains leaking out of my cracked head.  I held my breath as they ran me through a machine that radiated my head from a million different angles.

The results were encouraging.  So they gave me a tetanus shot and discussed if they should shave my head before stapling my scalp back together.

“Wait!  Thursday is Thanksgiving and I need my hair.  Could we wait until next week?” I pleaded.

Nope, the doctor gave me a choice.  I could get a shot to deaden the pain or endure the brief discomfort.  He assured me the shot was much worse. He lied. I gripped the hospital and bed and sat horrified as I felt the worst sound I’ve ever heard.

“Krechrunct,” went the staple gun, and the skin on my entire  head shifted a quarter inch toward heaven. My soul  was close  behind.   Even my eyes were lifted.

Hey, this could be a good thing.  A bonus face lift. When I got home I raced to the mirror and was horrified to find  Phyllis Diller peering back at me.

That was 27 hours ago and I still haven’t combed my hair or put on make-up. I’m also afraid to smile or speak, lest those staples pull loose. I began to compute what this little foray would cost me.  Guess I won’t be taking that cruise in January.  But to put it all in perspective,  I’m alive, and will be able to produce another substandard Thanksgiving dinner for my family. Isn’t life great!

12 thoughts on “Christmas came a little early this year

  1. My Dear, you need a full time body guard, what are we going to do
    with you? You not only need the helment, we might need to ask for the
    pads also. BE CAREFUL! I’ll check on you tomorrow.

  2. Oh my Emily and all in the name of housecleaning before the holidays! I am really sorry and hope you are all mended real soon!

  3. Emily, I am so glad you are okay. Take care of yourself and don’t worry about cleaning your house – you have a great excuse! Happy Thanksgiving!

  4. Emily,
    Gosh I’m sorry, but Santa said to tell you that he had nothing to do with this.
    Mike & Friend

  5. Suzanne, hadn’t thought of that. I just went to the doctor to check my staples, and he said I can’t wash my hair until Wednesday! I can’t tell you how nice it is not to have to fool with the dread locks. I may wear a baseball cap for the rest of my life but for sure I’ll use it as an excuse for Thanksgiving. Do you know how to tie a bandana like Anjamima?

  6. I am so sorry, it could have been a lot worse, like a busted shoulder to go with it. Time to let someone else do Thanksgiving dinner.

  7. Thanks Esther – any suggestions on who? I’m afraid I’m it. If I don’t do it, probably won’t get done. But okay, I admit it. I LOVE doing Thanksgiving and Christmas – otherwise I would probably never clean up the house!

  8. Have you ever considered housekeeping help before holidays? Cleaning is dangerous mentally and physically. Also, may I look at your new kitchen at your convenience. Ours news a redo also. Take care of yourself.


  9. Any time Jeanette – if you see my car in drive I’m likely here unless out walking Lucky and Rebel. I really didn’t do an entire re-do – just replaced counter top on island and new lights but it made a huge difference.

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