The Deluded Diva

Jogging in a jug beats running in the heat

Can you handle one more miracle cure for everything from obesity to arthritis?

Hold on, don’t log off, hear me out. I know I’ve raised your hopes in the past only to have them dashed by worthless solutions (i.e. the ear staple for losing weight I reported several months ago. Incidentally, to the lady who called for an update on my success with the staple – I’ve only gained three pounds.)

But this latest “miracle” could provide relief for a whole range of thorny problems associated with aging, so listen up everybody.

I recently had the great pleasure of reconnecting with a childhood friend who has moved to my town. She looks great and spends her free time cycling or running up and down the bleachers at the high school stadium to stay in shape. My exercise program on the other hand involves pushing a grocery cart around the supermarket.

As she described her regimen, she casually mentioned someone prescribed “Jogging in a Jug” to reduce joint pain and promote weight loss. Intrigued, I begged for more information.

Apparently someone was marketing a short of “happy juice”, but she obtained the secret recipe which was a simple mixture of grape juice, apple juice and apple cider vinegar. You’re supposed to take a jigger-full several times a day and wait for the aches, pains and appetite to subside.

“I started taking it as a cure for some joint pain, but I quit smoking instead,” she announced with a straight face. Confused, I was having a hard time following her train of thought, but my brain was already plotting an escape to the store before it closed to pick up the  necessary ingredients. I was chug-a-lugging the tart cocktail by bedtime. I would compare it to licking the port-o-potty at LollaPalooza.

My friend couldn’t believe I’d not heard of this miracle cure for everything from arterial clogs to high cholesterol. Apparently the jogging juice, like ear stapling, made the rounds back in the early 90s and faded away either because it didn’t work, or because it was so distasteful.

I suddenly remembered my father telling me that my great grandmother drank a vinegar mixture every day and she lived to be in her nineties. She wasn’t overweight either, but she did dip snuff.

And if an apple a day keeps the doctor at bay, wouldn’t apple cider vinegar be just as effective?

There are many recipes for “Jogging in a Jar or jog” online. The one most reported is as follows: mix 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with 1/4 a cup grape juice and 1/4 a cup apple cider. If you have a sweet tooth you may mix 1 tablespoon of organic honey, 100% maple syrup or molasses to taste. If you are diabetic, use a sugar substitute.

“Take this cocktail twice a day and you will start to see changes like increased energy, clearer skin, and decreased muscle and joint aches,” state the claims.

The cocktail was nicknamed “Jogging in a Jug” because supposedly you could drink it in place of jogging – just how far I’m not sure- maybe only to the sink to spit it out.

I’m on my third day and I decided to nix the juices – I just take a shot glass full of the dark vinegar in the a.m. and again before bed. It works – at least for the appetite part. If you see me taking a nip out of a small flask – I promise it’s vinegar. You can watch my face pucker for proof!

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