A sucker for every new diet scheme that travels down the pike, I finally found one I thought was brilliant.  It’s called “The No S Diet,” and in a nutshell it means no snacks, no sweets, and no seconds except on days beginning with an S.

My thoughts  immediately drifted to Snickers Bars!  The concept would allow unlimited feasting when the sun rises on Saturdays.

I plunked down the $12 for the paperback and rushed home to read the details.  As far as I can tell the author spent 182 pages reiterating the no fun Monday through Friday concept and Katie Bar the Door to Baskin Robbins on Saturday and Sunday.  What fun!  And maybe I can finally get back into my 2006 jeans which unfortunately have gone out of style.

Hard as I tried to make it so, there’s no Smonday, Stuesday, Swednesday etc. on the calendar.  Only on Saturday and Sunday can you have anything you want, but hey!  That’s better than never.

Since I started the diet on Friday, I planned for a grand ole time over the weekend.  I bought a king-sized bag of Doritos, and stocked up on all those no-nos: cheese, crackers, and lots of Snicker Bars.  On Friday, I was very very good and ate spinach and green tea.

On Saturday I tore out of bed and ripped open the bag of snickers.  I peeled the paper back like a banana and prepared to sink my teeth into all that lucious sugary confectionary heaven.

But you know what?  I couldn’t do it.  No problem when it’s not allowed, but given free reign, I felt like Bernie Madoff confronting a baby with $4 million dollars.  It was too easy. No guilt, no glory.

I checked the calories of the bar which by now was melting in my fist – only 280, and those can be burned off by driving my car for 128 minutes.  (I’ve memorized how long you have to do just about any activity to burn off a snicker bar – but driving is the easiest.)

I could drive to Jackson and burn off one, then have another on the way home.  But I figure that brings the cost of those two snicker bars to $48 which represents the cost of fuel. So I put the snickers in the freezer for some other time.  They’re not so good when you have to break a tooth to enjoy.

Here’s a palatable substitute:

A craveable candy bar you can make at home.

Serves 1

Ingredients

• 1.5 Tbs. oatmeal
• 2 Tbs. Grape-Nuts cereal
• 1 Tbs. peanut butter
• 1 package unsweetened hot chocolate
• 1 1/2 or 2 tablespoons water

Instructions

1. Mix all ingredients in a bowl
2. Shape into a bar and freeze one hour or longer