News flash causes me to shred my sheets


I often leave my television on at night thinking I’ll absorb something of value. I won’t do it again. The following news flash awoke me from sweet dreams:

“Hustler’s Larry Flynt and ‘Girls Gone Wild’s’ Joe Francis say it’s the adult entertainment industry’s turn for a bailout. The economy has hurt their businesses, too, Flynt and Francis said — sales of XXX DVDs are down 22 percent — and they want $5 billion from the government. Francis plans to bring the request to D.C. in person,” read the perky anchor, without even a smirk.

I sat up and began to scream and tore a whole in my top sheet. Rebel and Lucky Dawg ran for the hills. They didn’t even come out for their breakfast.

Well, you know what? I need a bailout. I need some expensive counseling because I watch way too much television news.

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