While it’s a bit late in the game, and there is certainly not enough time left to craft a super-elaborate costume by this Halloween evening, there is no need to resort to masquerading as a weary ole witch, ghost or cat to get in the Halloween mood.

Here are my suggestions for having a terrific costume with little preparation:

I will be going as a procrastinator, which means I will go as myself. But if you want to be really current, you can go as Joe, or Joanne, the plumber.

The costume is relatively simple: old jeans, a t-shirt, practical boots for stinky situations and the attitude of the average middle class working American (easy, right?). However, a plumber is never a plumber without the vital plunger. (We recommend a clean, new one.) Be sure to engage in political discussions as much as possible, and confront anyone dressed up as either presidential candidate about their “tax policy.” Not only will you enjoy an amazing costume, people will think you follow current events, and you will be ready for any septic problems at parties.

To make it even cuter and more bi-partisan, top off your plumber costume with a Joe Biden mask.

Or, you could go as the stock market. Wear all black and then use masking tape to stick erratic zigzags onto your body, pointing down.

You could also go as a nerd by doning an outfit of high-waisted pants, a plaid shirt and a cardigan. Grease your hair. Tape your glasses. Add a pocket protector and some pens.

The easiest costume for the middle class like me would to be a former Bear Stearns employee – trade in the latest duds for whatever is on the sale rack at JC Penney or Wal-mart. Don’t forget the remnants of your former life of grandeur: a broken squash racket, soiled loafers (preferably with untied laces) and a begging cup.

A half-empty bottle of scotch isn’t a bad idea, either; just make sure it’s the cheap stuff.