Raquel, you let me down

raquelSeveral years ago I clipped a photo of the beautiful actress, Raquel Welch.  She was looking very fetching in a short hair do.

I immediately took it to my hairdresser and demanded that she make me look just like the picture – well, not my face of course (I’m not THAT deluded), but I wanted the “do.”

Bless her heart she tried, but my frontal lobe cowlick just wouldn’t allow the bangs to hang in that windblown casual

style, and I came out looking like Alfalfa from the Little Rascals, or maybe Lilly Tomlin on an especially bad hair day.

You can imagine my glee when I found a website for Raquel Welch wigs and there in the middle of the page was my “dream” do.  It WAS A WIG!!!  See? Even Raquel needs a little help now and then.

Price was no object, I had to have that “do,” and since I’m missing a few hairs these days –(okay, so they’’ve all gone missing) –  I placed my order specifying a mousey dark blond with “Sunkist” highlights. I sat on the front steps every day, waiting for the mailman  and dreaming of getting all dolled up and going to the Hot Pants Café to watch the old men drool.

At last, today it came, and I couldn’t wait to try it on. I ripped open the package and found that the “do” had been sent wrong side out for some reason. I had to remove a hairnet to actually flip it to the right side and try it on.


Oh, my Lord.  It was flaming red.  I looked like Red Skelton playing Clem Kadidlehopper.  (I just realized how sadly my imagery dates me!)

Back to Raquel and her really cute wig which couldn’t have been a worse color for my peaches and cream complexion – it looked like a really bad color job when I did it myself with Clairol.

No problem.  I called the 800 number and waited for 43 minutes listening to elevator music and intermittent messages about joining the Raquel Welch hair club.

Finally, I got a nice lady who shared her thoughts on what color more accurately matched my hair color – well, not the way it was when it fell out – but the way it was when Red Skelton was still doing a weekly variety show.  (There I go dating myself again.  I really hate dating myself – give me a cute man any day.)

I mentioned that I had tried on the wig and it was way too red – nothing wrong with red, just doesn’t work for me.  “Do you have something in a mousy blond?” I asked.

“Oh, so sorry.  We can’t take back a product which has been tampered with.”  She said it as if I had tried to set fire to the package.  She was only reading a script and I was very nice.  I assured her I wanted only to exchange the wig for a more boring color and she said they would have to charge me half the cost of the first wig since I had “tampered” with it and pay all over again for the replacement.

Damn. She acted like I had worn it to church on Sunday and didn’t get any compliments so I wanted my money back@!!!!  My blood pressure was rising and I was getting a “hair” ache.  How can a reputable company act like this.

Long story short.  I’m keeping the wig to cut my losses.  I guess I can wear it when I’m working in the garden or taking a bubble bath.  My advice is: don’t order a wig before reading all the fine print – especially from anyone named Raquel Welch.

17 thoughts on “Raquel, you let me down

  1. Emily, Just wanted u to know how much I enjoy reading your articles. They make my day! Loved this one especially.

  2. I must clarify the red red wig was ordered from a company called Vogue wigs – Raquel probably doesn’t have a clue….Don’t order from Vogue.

  3. Good Morning Emily,
    You’ve helped with my laugh of the day. Since I have what my beautician calls a “swirl” at the back of my head that keeps getting thinner by the day, I thought of ordering a wig. I will shy away from “Vogue” wigs”. Ok – so where is the Hot Pants Cafe? Need to know this in case I do purchase a wig that makes me look 20 years younger. Cheers

  4. Yes, Tinker would look cute in my wig, a pencil skirt and stilettos. i’m lol as I picture it!! Molly – I will bring my wigs over and let you try one before purchasing. I can also give you a catelog for Paula young wigs – the best place to order from and way less expensive!

  5. Emily, I have counseled with you about ordering ANYTHING from ANYWHERE….remember the “Slapchop Chopper”, “Forever Comfy Gel Seat Cushion” and the “Hurrycane Walking Cane”…..just saying!
    Guess I need to talk to Braddock about taking your credit card away!!!

  6. Marie, you forgot the shoes from China, the lanterns, and all the “miracle” creams, and some we dare not mention.

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