Six things I pretend to know now that I’m approaching 70

idiot

When I was sixteen, I thought I was a genius.  Now I know I’ve always been an idiot and will likely be for the rest of my days.  So I think I will just sit back and enjoy my idiocracy..  There’s a whole lot less pressure.

A bunch of my girl friends from the West Point High School Class of ’65 are turning 69 this month and we are all being rounded up for the biggy next year.  I feel as though I’ve been sleeping for the last decade and it’s time to wake up and get involved in this thing called life.

As I considered what I’ve learned in the past 69 years, the list is painfully short.  I figure I learned about one lesson every decade.  So here are the six things I pretend to know after spinning my wheels for way to long.

1.Observe the 5/25 rule. List the twenty-five things you want to do in the next stage of life.. Separate out the five most important from the other twenty. NEVER look at the other twenty again. They are only distractions.

luc ky reading

2. You only retain one to two percent of anything people teach you in a class or in books. I haven’t used algebra or geometry yet and don’t remember even taking the subjects.  Yet I’m certain I had to have them to graduate from high school.  I now realize if you have a computer and can google, book learning is unnecessary.

lean cooking

3. Eat smaller portions. Every year you live, reduce portion size. Else you get fat no matter how much you exercise. That leaves me about 600 calories a day and I highly recommend Lean Cuisines..  You punch a button and voila! dinner is served.  Besides they taste like salted cardboard and you won’t even want the whole thing.  I had the shrimp and broccoli alfredo yesterday and it had four shrimps and one stalk of broccoli floating in something that looked like what P.Diddy throws up when she swallows a hairball.

Unfortunately I bought 16 Lean Cuisines because they were on sale last week. Today I’m trying the Beef tips and playing “Look for the Beef”.

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4.  Watch a lot of comedy or act like you’re 16 again (dancing to Twist and Shout is always good. Try to watch comedy every day or get together with friends who make you laugh.  I jotted down a statistic in my journal that reported children laugh on average 400 times a day.  Adults only get 15 good laughs.  How sad.  I happen to have a group of friends who get together at least monthly just to act like we’re 16 again.  I’m certain that’s why we have wrinkles.  But they’re happy wrinkles.we had fun acquiring..

5. Gratitude and complaining/blaming can’t exist in the same brain at the same time.  Your choice.  But I can tell you which one makes me happier and less like the old curmudgeon I’m in danger of becoming.

6. Having children is horrible. But having children is wonderful.  Funny how quickly we forget the horrible part and how much joy and love our offspring provide.  If you don’t have children get a dog – preferably from the animal shelter.  They will be more tolerant of your crazies than your children will ever be.

So, that’s it. I would love to know what you have learned.  Maybe we can put our lists together and figure out what it’s all about before it’s too late.

 

 

3 thoughts on “Six things I pretend to know now that I’m approaching 70

  1. Emily, I particularly liked your diatribe on Lean Cuisines. My sentiments exactly. I got a big laugh out of that one!

  2. Don’t sweat the small stuff because most, not all, but most of it IS small stuff. Sure works for me.

  3. In the scheme of things, It’s all small stuff. My number one goal since I have just hit the big 7-0 is to be quiet. I make way too much noise, and I just need to be quieter. Listen more. I love your little cartoon at the beginning. It’s a good way to seem intelligent. Just don’t open your mouth. ha ha ha

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