Given the struggling economy and a nagging fear that my retirement fund will run out before I do, I’ve reluctantly decided to reenter the work force. Yes, I’m going to become a productive citizen again – although I won’t actually be producing anything you can see, touch or eat. This job is uniquely suited to my talents and experience and I was tickled to death to be picked from several hundred applicants.
Seven years ago, I decided to take early retirement in order to write the great American novel. So far, I haven’t gotten much past the preface, so going back to work seems prudent. I practically fell into this plum of a powerful position that provides compensation commensurate with the sensitive level of effort required.
The announcement of my new position will be made next week, but I decided to give a heads up to all my best friends who read this blog – all five of you which includes my parents and my Aunt Emma who think I am brilliant. But then they enjoy reading the nutritional information on a cereal box. (Of course, I’m just kidding, and I probably just lost my weekly allowance.)
Anyhow, I’m busy getting together my new wardrobe which is “casual Friday” all the way. I can wear my jeans and my favorite sweatshirt – the one with the chocolate stain in the shape of the Eiffel Tower. I’m pretty proud of it, and consider it a work of art which appeared quite effortlessly when chocolate collided with peanut butter in my lap one rainy afternoon.
But back to my new job. Starting April 1, I will become the executive director of the institute of Languid Studies which is operated by the IINDM based in Washington, D. C., (That’s where the majority of our membership resides.) IINDM is the acronym for International Institute of Not Doing Much and it’s not just a 9-5 job.
I’ll be on call pretty much 24 hours a day, carrying our message which is “We resist speed.” Our manifesto: “We shall slow down in the office, and on the roads. We shall slow down with growing confidence when all those around us are in a shrill state of hyperactivity. We shall defend our state of calm, whatever the cost may be. We shall slow down in the fields and in the streets, we shall slow down in the hills, and the fields. We shall never surrender!”
Our rules are simple:
1. Do one thing at a time. Remember multitasking is a moral weakness (except for women who have superior brain function).
3. Ponder, take your time. Do not be pushed into answering questions. A response is not the same as an answer.
4. Yawn often. Medical studies have shown lots of things, and possibly that yawning may be good for you.
5. Spend more time in bed. You have a better chance of cultivating your dreams instead of your aspirations.
6. Spend more time in the bathtub.
7.. Avoid too much seriousness. Laugh, because you’re only alive on Planet Earth for a limited time.
8. And, above all, practice doing nothing. (Yes, this is the difficult one.)
If you would like to join, I would consider it a personal favor. Contact me today for a membership brochure or log on to http://slowdownnow.org/#sthash.gVefZEdx.dpuf. In return I will send you one of our yard signs to proudly display on your lawn.