I just couldn’t help myself.  I tuned in to Martha Stewart’s new television show yesterday.

She must have been kicked off TLC, because now she’s doing her stupid human tricks on the Hallmark channel. Stopping by her show for me was like rubbernecking during a highway accident.  You just HAVE to look!

Anyone who knows me understands that I have nothing but disdain for this woman who has a knack for looking down the noses of  middle Americans everywhere and trying to make us all feel like inferior clunkers.

Yesterday she had some poor schmuck on the show making spaghetti.  Oh, Wow.  Spaghetti.  They cooked up some canned tomatoes with fresh Herbs (which she mispronounces) and declared it “Amazing.”  His cooking method was “Awesome.”

Now, hold on, I know she was just trying to sound modern and hip, but I’m seeing red.  No self respecting senior citizen should use either of those words unless they qualify for the true meaning. To wit:

*Amazing – to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly.

*Awesome – an overwhelming expression of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like: in awe of god; in awe of great political figures.

Now, tell me, does her spaghetti sound like it satisfies either definition much less the appetite of a 10-year old?  It was noodles swimming in pulverized tomatoes for gawd’s sake.

Martha, just SHUT UP and go glue sequins on something.