The absent-minded confessor

absent minded
It’s becoming increasingly clear that my chronic condition, once considered “lovable absent-mindedness” has been elevated to a critical, possibly terminal condition.

To wit: I headed to the bank this morning to make a deposit. Not only did I miss my turn and have to back-track but when I finally got up to the front of the drive-through I deposited my electric bill. I had to go home and start over, muttering curses to myself for the waste of time.

I began to ruminate about the stupid things I’ve been doing lately. On Christmas day my only responsibility was to get the turkey to my folk’s house 25 miles away. Somewhere around Mayhew Junction I glanced into the back seat. Lots of presents but NO TURKEY. I screeched to a halt and opened the back of my truck – no turkey there either. I headed back home to find Ole Tom on the porch, waiting patiently to become the centerpiece of our annual feast.

Reaching my daily goal of 10,000 steps on my Fitbit counter is a breeze. I get them all by noon wandering around my house looking for things. Most of the time I’m searching for my glasses while wearing my glasses. Then I desperately search for my phone while talking on the phone.

One day I chewed up the wrapper on a Reece’s Peanut Butter cup and threw away the candy. (That might actually be a good thing.)

I frequently walk into a room and forget why I came. Then I walk back into the room I came from and forget why I’m there. Sometimes I open the refrigerator when the microwave dings. The leftovers from a huge meal at the Veranda yesterday got left in the Styrofoam container on the top of my truck. The wonderful grilled chicken salad has been renamed “litter”.

I went to get gas and discovered I had left my debit card at the Veranda without signing the ticket. Of course I returned, paid the bill and tipped the waiter generously. Oh, wait! Did I get my debit card?

Lack of focus is most likely the problem along with continuing to multitask after losing the ability to multitask. If anyone has any suggestions on how to focus please let me know.
At least I don’t lose my keys or phone any longer. My son gave me a little gadget called a “Tile”. It hooks onto my key chain and I press it when I lose the phone which instantly lets out a wail until I can run it down. Like wise if I lose the keychain I can press a button on my phone and the keys let out a howl. If I lose both I can go to my computer and it will make them both roar.

Sometimes it gets pretty noisy. I’m sure the neighbors think I live in a “the little house of horrors” and sometimes I think I do.


8 thoughts on “The absent-minded confessor

  1. I have howled reading this out loud to my husband. I will be 64 next wk and am already exhibiting all the same behaviors as you. He will be 76 next month and does none of them. I think the male brain just has more focus. Enjoy this wackiness about our multitasking stories and missteps. My son also gave me the TILE and I lost it, thank goodness, after reading about all your noise!!

  2. This made me laugh, and also made me thankful that I’m not alone!
    Truly, it has to be 90% of my friends, so no worry, right?…haha
    Keep writing!

  3. I think this is the funniest one you’ve ever written and that is due in part to my suffering from the same condition.

  4. That’s hilarious! BUT, I, too, suffer from the same thing, to the point that I actually pray every morning during my quiet time that the Lord will help me focus. Oh, woe is us!!

  5. I do too Jenny! Promised myself to pause and do that every hour, of course I forget because the cat throws up on the hour or I drop a bag of opened pasta on the floor and I’m pickin macaroni while mumbling obscenities. I think I’m out of control,

    Jona! That’s the funniest yet – losing your Tile! Fear there’s no hope for us!

  6. I was telling some friends about similar things I have done and how I was worried about dementia. My friend Annie said ” Do you remember the pie I brought you and I forgot to put the sugar in it?” Everyone had their own funny stories! We need to form a club!

  7. I LOVE THIS!!!!! I am showing it to my daughter….I think she is ready to send me to a home….it is nice to hear that I am with my buddies…..

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