Time out for ‘Maintenance Day’


I’m going to have some signs printed up for my door that say “Temporarily Closed for Maintenance.”

On Saturday, the most delightful rain set in to replenish the thirsty soil in my garden. There was nothing much else to do but catch up on some seriously overdue interior maintenance. If you’re envisioning a bunch of dusting, polishing and vacuuming, fahgeddaboudit! I wouldn’t spend such a delicious day doing such menial tasks.

I decided to give myself a make-over, but unfortunately it turned out to a monumental “make-under.” I went to Fred’s Dollar Store and purchased a hair coloring kit for $2.99. That was probably my first mistake. If you’re going to color your hair yourself, you probably should spring for the $10.99 kit.
I’ve only colored my own hair one other time in my life and it turned out disastrously. I don’t know why I thought this would be any different. But in the interest of saving money in this anemic economy, I decided to save myself $90 dollars.
Yes. It costs me about $90 every two months to maintain these less than lustrous locks. I figure that coloring my own hair six times a year will net me an additional $540 with which to feed my gas tank. I thought this was a no-brainer, but then, my brain sometimes emits negative waves.

I locked the doors and got out the “instruments”. There were gloves, bottles of stuff you have to mix together and instructions in Spanish. (I bet the $10 kit would have been in English.) I did everything I thought it said, and set the timer for 20 minutes. I sat down to watch the latest episode of the Barrack Obama show, when my neighbor came knocking to borrow my pruning sheers.

Now, you must know he’s never seen me without make-up or wearing hair spiked up like Boy George. He quietly excused himself, saying he must have the wrong address.

“Naw, come on in. I’m coloring my hair,” I explained. He looked around the kitchen as if suspecting I might be eating squirrels. While we were out back searching for the pruning sheers, my son dropped by to install some new “Ram” in my computer. He took one look at me and suggested I might want to stay inside and shut the curtains during “maintenance.”

Another friend dropped by to leave me a book I’ve been wanting to read. She said I looked like one of those aliens that landed in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947.

Everyone finally cleared out and I went and washed out the color. I was already about 20 minutes overdue, but hope floats and I was expecting spectacular results. After wiping the steam off the mirror I looked at my newly colored locks.

They were green! Green as Brussels sprouts which always make me want to regurgitate. I almost did. Why has no one ever told me you should not put ash tones on graying hair? Gray and brown make a delicate shade of GREEN.

I put on sunglasses and went to the CVS to get another hair color kit. I noticed small children pointing at me. I spent $8.99 on a new kit and it worked pretty well but I had to go dark to mask all that green. I’m now a brunette.

I’m going to go ahead and pencil in my next Maintenance Day for early September, but not before making an appointment with my hairdresser.

7 thoughts on “Time out for ‘Maintenance Day’

  1. Please tell me you snapped a picture of yourself with the green hair! I bet you make a lovely brunette.

  2. No and NO! Tried to get Rebel to snap a picture but he couldn’t separate his claws wide enough to pull the trigger. I make a terrible brunette…have an appointment at 2:15 to correct the problem. So instead of $90, I’ll be spending $102! Get the feeling I’m aiming in the wrong direction!

  3. Oh, what memeries you have brought back tonight!!!
    I stayed home from church one morning to dye my hair. I was trying a new color that sounded so glamorous! Well, it turned out to be anything but…. So, I decided I’d better go back to my old color. That’s when I found out you don’t do one dye job on top of another! Not only did my hair turn out to be Pale Pepto-Bismol, but it was matted together as if I had poured Elmer’s on it! I couldn’t even get a pick through it, much less a comb! The more I worked with it, the more I started hyperventillating! I just knew it was fixing to start falling out, and I didn’t have much to begin with….. Who do you call about melted hair……and on Sunday morning? Our drug stores didn’t open on Sunday until a few years ago, and now they don’t open until after church. After asking for forgivness for opting to do the dye job instead of going to church, I begged the Lord for guidance. That’s when I thought about that extra tube of stuff they always stick in the box that I had never used before. I got it out and read about it. I thought that possibly it may be the answer to my prayer. I started with just a few strands of hair …..just in case it wasn’t the right answer. It worked!!! My hair felt slick instead of sticky. I could get a comb through it!!! After getting my hair back to feeling pretty normal and my heart rate almost to normal, my next thought was, “How do I get the pink out? I sure can’t do another dye job!!!” And they couldn’t find a substitute for me at school the next day. You can imagine all of the snickering I encountered from the children on Monday…..all day long…everywhere I went! Satan really made me pay dearly for playing hookie that Sunday!!

  4. Well, I see that I failed to proof my comment before sending it! Misspelled a word in the first sentence!!! Couldn’t do what you do for a living!! I would be fired the first week!

  5. Yes!- mine was all gummy too! I broke down and called my hairdresser yesterday and she took me in immediately to correct what she called my “kitchen color.” Apparently she has to do such remedial work often. But she warned that if I do it again, she may cut me off!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.