I’m sure all you women out there are sitting with baited breath hoping your fella will show up tonight dragging a life-sized Teddy Bear into your already cramped digs. Right, girls?
Guys, for a mere $99.99 you can gift your woman with a giant carnival prize which according to the commercial she will coquettishly cuddle up to on the couch or bed while thinking about how wonderful you are for buying her this 6′ tall dust monster. So it’s a Vermont bear or a box of chocolates (my personal choice) or if those don’t strike your fancy how about pajama gram? Slippery slopes, all.
I haven’t had a boyfriend or husband yet who could accurately guess my size. The good guys always purchase clothing four sizes too small which I can never wear and the mean ones select something sexy in a 4X. I instantly make the mean ones my permanent EXes.
The ads warn the poor clueless men that women don’t want candy because it will make them fatter than they already are and flowers just die. If you really want to be cheap AND healthy I suggest you carve up some zucchini and pop them in a heart shaped box to take to your girl tonight. To be honest, you should probably just take her out to dinner, cut your losses and be done with the holiday.
Happy Valentines anyway. I’ll be cozying up to Rebel Dawg and watching the 7th season of Madmen.