I’m confounded, yet intrigued, by the number of celebrities who show up on the big and small screens with puffy, almost painfully-looking swollen lips. I saw Priscilla Presley on a show the other night – her lips were so big they were getting in the way of conversation. I don’t remember her with lips like that.
Then, there was Jennifer Flowers who recently resufaced after a decade-long hiatus since she added to Bill Clinton’s misery. What bit her? I thought she might have wandered into a bee colony without protective clothing. She also had what they call in California “muffin cheeks” which I’m told is a result of too many corrective surgeries. Nothing wrong with that, you understand. I would consider it myself if I weren’t so afraid of needles.
Flowers also had those big monster lips, particularly the top one that didn’t seem to end. It ran right up into her nose which must cause breathing problems. It’s like she had lip-o-suction in reverse!
But the one that shocked and dismayed me most was my favorite actress – Meg Ryan. She was perfection personified, in my opinion, during her illustrious film career of the 1980s and 90s. Now I see her in a recent release with a pair of freshly plumped, honking big lips.
I thought she was cuter before plumping her pucker.
When did these “bee sting kissers” become all the rage? I enjoy watching old 1940s movies on the Arts & Entertainment channel and I’m struck by the starlets of old, whose thin, wispy lips and equally thin eyebrows were considered glamorous. When exactly did beautiful women decide they need big carp lips, and become willing to plunk down big bucks to get them?
Frankly, I find big floppy lips gross if they aren’t natural. I read somewhere that in 2004, nearly 500,000 women received injections of Restylane to plump their lips. Isn’t that a tire? Oh, maybe I’m thinking of Michelin, but I’m wondering if the newly plumped lips can develolp a slow leak? It would be embarrassing if you should “get a flat” while engaged in conversation – or something more intimate. Pop! Psssuuuu….end of romance!
Having said all this, I must make a confession. I ordered a product over the Internet, called Hydro Lip Plumper. I paid $29.95 for a tube of the lipstick! Serves me right, but I couldn’t wait to use it and was expecting miracles.
I put it on just before church one Sunday morning and it burned like heck. But worse that that, I began sneezing half way through the service and had to get up a leave, dragging my lips behind me. I’m guessing it was a regular lipstick injected with a healthy dose of cayenne pepper and a touch of Tabasco. It didn’t make my lips look bigger, but it made them FEEL enormous.
I long for a return to the Reneaissance woman with her thin lips and ample hips. I would be so cool.